Punishment Bell

Ever since the life-changing and reality-altering decision made by Beasley Allen to drop their lawsuit against Taco Bell, the entire world has gone topsy-turvy.

Taco Bell now demands satisfaction! The fast food chain would like an apology from the folks who brought (and then eventually withdrew) the lawsuit against them that claimed their meat mixture was less than 35 percent beef. “Would It Kill You to Say You’re Sorry?” asks the ad Taco Bell has now launched in newspapers across the country. The request is understandable enough, as damage control is expensive, and the fast-food giant has spent millions in an ad campaign bolstering up its image as a result of the lawsuit.

No word has been released regarding if Taco Bell has donned white gloves and walked to the Beasley Allen headquarters carrying a wooden box containing two single-shot pistols.

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Remember the lawsuit filed against Taco Bell that claimed the fast-food giant’s seasoned beef was, well, less than all beef? Turns out the lawsuit’s been dropped.

Taco Bell always contended that the lawsuit was “absolutely wrong.” And the company spent a total of $7 million dollars in advertising to drive the point home that their seasoned meat is 88% beef.

Guess it worked. Beasley Allen, the law firm that filed the suit, said the marketing and product disclosure that Taco Bell offered changed their minds, and they withdrew the suit. While it seems that all they wanted was for chalupa-loving customers to know that 12% of the meat in their sandwich was beef-free, because I don’t care much for math, I have no idea how to figure out just how much actual beef is in the double decker taco. Twenty-four percent? Six percent? Fifty majillion? Yeah, that sounds about right.