Love, love them don’t

The Vatican posted a new set of rules on its Web site today for how to handle pedophile cases. Apparently, the rule now is to report them to the police.

The quick response–a mere two weeks after reports started turning up in the news concerning Pope Benedict’s wild and heady days as a young archbishop–stunned critics as the Church normally embraces new ideas, like our heliocentric solar system, once every 500 years.

And just to drive the point home about forgiveness, the Vatican followed up this announcement with another one forgiving The Beatles.

You Missed It: Post-off-off-election Edition

Bryan McBournie missed You Missed It this week to visit Glenn Beck as he recovers from his removed appendix. I tried to tell him that it was simple outpatient surgery, but he insisted, carrying flowers and a special embroidered pillow with him. He also muttered a lot, but that could have been the booze talking.

Anyway, if you were busy banking your political clout on a lifeless third-party accountant, odds are You Missed It.

Other people finally love A-Rod
The Yankees won the World Series, proving that if you throw enough money at a problem, year after year after year, and finally build a stadium more conducive to home runs, you can finally solve it.

Won’t buy with a little help from our friends
The Beatles released the first digital recordings of their songs on an apple-shaped USB drive as an obvious jab at “that other Apple” that still isn’t allowed to sell them on iTunes. I’d go into further detail, but we’re busy listening to our pirated mp3’s that were sub-delivered by the Blue Meanies.

We’ll be surprised if it lives past infancy
And in health news, the House of Representatives is poised to vote on a health care reform bill this weekend. The legislation has endured several rewrites, hilariously named protests, bizarre comparisons to the Bible and several toner replacements just to print it. If passed, it will move on to the Senate, where they will add provisions for serious health issues like celebrity dog museums, anti-weather balloon countermeasures and an Oxygen Bar in the Congressional cafeteria.

The Real Story: Nickelback sucks

Distortion pedals turn anything into rock music!You ever read an article–be it in magazine or on news site–and notice one nugget of information that proves the author wrote the article about the wrong subject?

Case in point: “While My Guitar Gently Beeps” (New York Times Magazine) was about how Harmonix and the remaining Beatles and widows developed not only an authentically-mastered Beatles track pack for Rock Band, but also a system for future bands to simultaneously release new albums on CD and Rock Band’s online store.

Interesting, right? Especially since the whole article is peppered with quotes from Paul, Yoko and the guy who invented Guitar Hero?

The Nugget:
“The Rock Band Network is so potentially consequential that Harmonix went to great lengths to keep its development secret, including giving it the unofficial in-house code name Rock Band: Nickelback, on the theory that the name of the quintessentially generic modern rock group would be enough to deflect all curiosity” [emphasis ours].

So the real story here isn’t the inevitable release of a Beatles’ Rock Band Track Pack, but that Nickelback sucks so bad that their very name inspires people to tune out, change the station or improve their immediate lot in life by doing something that isn’t Nickelback-related.

We’re not saying that Chad Kroeger should hang himself about this news. We’re saying that people might not notice if he did.