Tag: bed bugs

You don’t know where that bed bug’s been, but his sister does

If you thought bed bugs are gross, get ready to declare a jihad on them: one of their keys to spreading so quickly is that they’re inbreeders.

Researchers discovered that not only do bed bugs inbreed, but they’re also pretty much immune to all the nasty genetic side effects. This enables a single pregnant female to establish a colony, while her offspring go sex nuts in the floorboards with each other.

And the scariest part — aside from the resemblance to the B-story from The Godfather Part III — is that their inbreeding makes them more resistant to pesticides. So: no hemophilia and they’re stronger.

The next step in this research is to apply it to humans. Namely, how are there so many country music fans when nobody farms or herds cattle anymore?

Disappointment between the sheets

In hotel rooms and their own homes, many Americans are not sleeping alone, even if they think they are. We have heard a lot about the onslaught of that bed bugs are inflicting on these United States, particularly in urban areas, but what we didn’t know is that they’re out for more than just our blood.

As it turns out, they are ruining our relationships, according to a video. Couples are breaking up because of bed bug infestations. Their plan is not merely to make us all sad and lonely, but it’s more sinister. They want us to stop having carnal pleasures, so that we can’t procreate anymore.

Remember, folks, the deed can be done away from your sleeping quarters.

You’re losing sleep over more than just itchiness

No one likes a bed bug. They ugly, they’re nasty, they make you itch and even worse, they’re the color of communism.

We refuse to have that stand in the United States of America.

Unfortunately, bed bugs appear to be more than just a nuisance to your body-they’re also rough on the wallet. According to one researcher, the monsters are actually tougher to kill than ever before. What does that mean for you? More hours for the exterminator to kill the buggers (no pun intended-okay, pun intended), which in turn means a bigger drain on your wallet. Frankly, that’s not exactly something that mild mannered citizen needs in this rough economy. How about giving us a break, huh Mister Super Exterminator Warrior?

Who would have thought that this war would be so costly?