And yet they can’t change ‘The Other White Meat?’

If you didn’t know, the pork industry isn’t doing so hot right now. Granted, it’s not in horrible shape, but even with the scares that plagued the beef/horse/guinea pig/unknown beef paste industry, it’s still not doing fantastically. And so, in order to raise pork sales, the National Pork Board and the Beef Checkoff Program did what any other multi-billion dollar industry does when faced with slumping sales.

They renamed the same exact products to sell at the same price. Some examples include:

  • Pork chops are now ribeye chops. Logic: How much for a rib? (Link NSFW)
  • Pork butt is now Boston roast. Logic: Boston is full of a-holes.
  • A beef under blade boneless steak will now become a Denver steak. Logic: At least it’s not Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Philly home of brotherly love, horsey food

You might’ve heard of the news regarding horse meat being found in beef. Grocery stores, delicatessens, fast food joints and restaurants all over the nation have become indignant in their desire for all-beef beef. The furor has even been global, with celebrities and restaurants all around the world (though not as much in France) wanting their Grade-A to be sans-Mr. Ed.

Not so much at Monsu. The fine dining restaurant located in Philadelphia has decided to put the Lone Ranger’s trusty friend (no, not Tonto) onto the menu. Chefs there tasted it on a trip to Italy and thought it’d be a fine addition to what’s already served, and when a ban on slaughtering the equine beasts for human consumption was lifted in the States two years ago, they were the first out of the gate!

How do the Guys feel about it? Eh. We’re not exactly against. In this war, any kind of tactic that assists our troops while decimating their troops can’t be all bad, right?

This post contains only 30% new news

Remember the lawsuit filed against Taco Bell that claimed the fast-food giant’s seasoned beef was, well, less than all beef? Turns out the lawsuit’s been dropped.

Taco Bell always contended that the lawsuit was “absolutely wrong.” And the company spent a total of $7 million dollars in advertising to drive the point home that their seasoned meat is 88% beef.

Guess it worked. Beasley Allen, the law firm that filed the suit, said the marketing and product disclosure that Taco Bell offered changed their minds, and they withdrew the suit. While it seems that all they wanted was for chalupa-loving customers to know that 12% of the meat in their sandwich was beef-free, because I don’t care much for math, I have no idea how to figure out just how much actual beef is in the double decker taco. Twenty-four percent? Six percent? Fifty majillion? Yeah, that sounds about right.

Taco Fight Night, presented by Comcast

As we reported on Tuesday, an Alabama law firm is suing Taco Bell over the actual beef content of their beef, all alleging that it is only 35 percent actual beef.

Things look grim for Bell. But then, two days later, they’ve announced they’re swinging back with a countersuit against the firm, claiming that their beef is 88 percent beefy.

Both sides are claiming to have studies and science on their side. Only a legal battle can settle this … and our bloodlust.

It’s a Taco Fight, ladies and gentlemen! We’ve got ourselves a Taco Fight.

‘Beefy’ is a state of mind, really

MacDonald’s maple syrup crisis may be over, but there’s a new fast food battle looming on the horizon.

A Montgomery, Alabama-based law firm is suing Taco Bell for their egregious use of the word “beef” to describe their brown-flavored meat filling. According to the firm’s test results, the mixture is only 35 percent beef, which is about 35 percent more beef than we ever suspected was inside of it.

Taco Bell is already gearing up their defense, and they’re opting for the “Miracle on 34th Street”: “We’re happy that the millions of customers we serve every week agree.”

That’s right: if enough people say it’s beef, then what choice does the government have but to agree?

[via John Papageorgio]

At least you don’t hear much about the Christmas burger

How do you make 124 tons of meaty-meatness disappear? If you answered “make it unhealthy to consume,” then a winner is you!

That’s right, we have yet another E. coli scare upon us. Oklahoma company National Steak and Poultry is voluntarily recalling approximately 248 thousand pounds of beef, as there is a possibility of it being contaminated with the bacteria. Products being pulled back include beef medallions, beef tips, sirloin steak and skirt steak, among many other items, though I must say that I’m a tad bit disappointed that cow tongue isn’t found on the list. Frankly, cow tongue should probably be removed from stores as it is, E. coli or no E. coli.

The food company has stated that there may be a link between the meat and six cases of E. coli being discovered. This could be a lot scarier than it is, but luckily, we only tend to talk about the Christmas turkey or the Christmas ham, as opposed to the less seen “Yule pot of Hamburger Helper” (new motto: “One pound, one pan and you’ve got a trip to the emergency room”).

SeriouslyGuys can only speculate as to whether “Who-pie” is made of contaminated meat. We like to think that it is, as it would serve those dirty hippies right.