Tagged: beer

| Posted in Booze News

Do you hate your friends enough to buy them a beer?

Then you can go home make a candle out of it, and weep for your lost dignity.
Then you can go home make a candle out of it, and weep for your lost dignity.

Remember back when Facebook had the “poke” feature? You could click the button on someone’s profile, and the next time they logged in, it would let them know that you poked them. Hours of fun!

Anheuser-Busch is taking all the fun of the poke and combining it with bros icing bros. If you live in Chicago or Denver, you can now send someone a voucher for a free Bud Light via Facebook. The genius of the prank is that it’s twofold. First, you end up hating your friend for suggesting you like terrible beer, then it wears you down, say after day, until you get desperate enough that to take that voucher to your local bar and humiliate yourself by turning it in.

Finally, you wallow in shame for what you’ve done as you nurse your free beer.

| Posted in Booze News, War on Animals

Cow goes on a mission to ruin Oktoberfest

Just a day after we told you that there are radioactive boars in Germany, we have even more shocking animals news, and this time it affects Oktoberfest.

In Munich, a cow somehow escaped from the slaughterhouse and went on a rampage. First, it gored a jogger, sending her to the hospital. But more importantly, the cow then ran toward a field where workers were setting up tents for the Oktoberfest beer festival, which is just weeks away.

The beast was heading straight toward a worked, when it was blocked by a police vehicle that arrived just in time. Efforts to recapture the cow were unsuccessful, so authorities put it down the old-fashioned way. Because nobody messes with Oktoberfest.

| Posted in Booze News

Man falls out of train, paper more concerned about his beer

We to make fun of the news here at SG, but it’s very rare that we get to make fun of the news as well as how it’s being covered. Let’s see what the Moscow Times has for us today.

Challenging the widespread notion about the inherent goodness of man, passengers of a suburban train outside Moscow stole the luggage and finished the beer of a man who fell of the train ….

Great lead sentence. Who in Russia believes that people are inherently good? Aren’t they the ones who have to use dash cams in their cars because insurance fraud is so rampant? Still, that does suck for the guy to lose his beer and luggage like that.

The unlucky passenger was keeping the door of the moving train car open to get some fresh air in the unventilated vestibule, ….

He eventually dropped out at a turn in the road, leaving behind an unfinished beer, two car bumpers and a screw gun.

So no one at the inherently good Moscow Times thought to ask what happened to the man, but found out exactly what he was carrying with him? That is kind of weird luggage, though.

Train officials ignored requests to pick up the man’s belongings, the daily said on Friday.

This allowed an unnamed male passenger to finish the beer and make away with the bumpers and the power tool before train officials came.

Again, none of these inherently good people are concerned about the guy who FELL OUT OF A TRAIN. They just want his junk cleared out, but people driving the train don’t even want to be bothered with the man’s belongings. Also, thanks for clarifying that the guy who took the beer, bumpers and screw gun was unarmed. Was that a distinguishing thing because everyone else on the train was strapped?

| Posted in The McBournie Minute

The McBournie Minute: Beer vending machines signal end of humanity

God creates man. Man destroys God. Man creates robots. Robots destroy man. It’s the shadow of a dark future looming over our heads. All the time we are building smarter and more automated machines, on top of this, we’re teaching them things about ourselves, so it stands to reason they will get tired or reading our whiny Facebook posts, snap, and kill us all.

One day, when our robot masters decide to write history e-books, they will show that the beginning of the end of mankind occurred during the 2014 Major League Baseball All-Star Game, of all places. There aren’t any robot baseball players, that would actually be kind of cool. Actually, it’s the dawn of the automated bartender.

Unsurprisingly, the end of humanity is brought to you by Bud Light. Continue reading

| Posted in Booze News

Breaking news: People drinking at World Cup

In 2003, Brazil realized that its soccer fans were getting a bit too drunk and rowdy during matches, so it banned the sale of alcohol in “football” stadiums. (It would make more sense to ban soccer, but whatever.) But FIFA made Brazil end their prohibition for the World Cup.

Now, FIFA officials are surprised at how much drunkenness is going on. FIFA’s Jerome Valcke, whom we’re told is a high-ranking official, said during an interview that there may be too many drunk people at the matches, and that could lead to hooliganism.

This makes no sense to The Guys. Isn’t the point of watching sports, especially boring ones, to drink beer?

| Posted in Booze News, Zombies

The drinking dead

Are you bored with your Downton Abbey wine? Growing tired of the latest Game of Thrones beer? Perhaps it’s time you started drinking another TV-flavored booze.

In a tribute to AMC’s The Walking Dead, Dock Street Brewing in Philadelphia is releasing a special batch of beer, called Dock Street Walker. The brew does more than just tie its name to a show arbitrarily, it’s actually got ingredients inspired by the show. Namely, this American pale stout has goat brains in it.

Of course, true fans of the show will know that the zombies on The Walking Dead don’t care about brains, it’s the flesh and everything else, too. In fact, there are very few zombie universes out there where the undead even care about which part of the body they are chowing down on. So this really is just a salute to certain aspects of zombie culture, and — hey, where are you going?

| Posted in Booze News

Kegger at the governor’s mansion!

Not to be outdone by his counterpart in Virginia, Colorado Gov. John Hickenlooper has had beer taps installed in his mansion.

It needs to be said, wearing a suit all day is stressful work, that’s why it’s perfectly acceptable for the C-suiters and government execs to keep booze in their offices. But Hickenlooper is now mainlining it. He’s got three taps, which will of course feature different Colorado beers.

Of course, the marijuana crowd chimed in to harsh Hickenlooper’s mellow, saying that the governor is eager to embrace craft brewing, but continues to keep marijuana at, like … dude, what were we talking about?

| Posted in The McBournie Minute

The McBournie Minute: St. Paddy’s Day is apparently in the summer

If you’re into drinking on Mondays, today is a big day for you. Once again we’ve reached St. Patrick’s Day, the one day anyone wears green, in honor of a Scotsman who invaded a country, saw there were no snakes, and claimed to have driven them out himself.

In Ireland, so I am told, today isn’t really a big deal. Sure, it’s cause for celebration, but the pubs used to be closed for the day until the 1970s because it’s a Catholic feast day. So really, the Irish go out and drink, but they don’t get as crazy as we do here in America.

Then again, maybe they can just hold their booze better. Continue reading

| Posted in Booze News

Come and get your beer, Canada

President Barack Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper placed a friendly wager on the outcome of the U.S.-Canada men’s and women’s ice hockey outcomes when the teams faced each other in Sochi last month. The winner would get a case of beer from the loser’s home country. The five of you out there who care about hockey may also recall that the U.S. teams of both genders both lost. That means Obama owes Harper two cases of beer

But he hasn’t paid up yet.

Finally, Obama’s doing something truly American: not admitting that we lost. We did that in the War of 1812 (we got our asses handed to us, but got a sweet treaty), the Korean War (draw), and Vietnam (Rambo doesn’t count), and we’re doing it again! Mr. Harper, if you want some of America’s finest beer, why don’t you come down here and take it from us.

| Posted in Booze News

Ireland: Land of low beer prices

The Irish may not drink as much per capita as Americans, but they certainly have a reason to. We’re not talking about emotional reasons, we’re talking about economic reasons.

As it turns out, beer costs less than water in some Irish supermarkets, way less. In some locations, a bottle of beer costs only 50 Euro cents, while a bottle of water costs 1.50. Let’s keep in mind that beer is made from water, and has other fun stuff, like alcohol added into it.

We can only assume that water costs so much because whiskey comes out of the faucets at home.