It’s probably fun to serve in the Canadian Navy. You just hang out with a bunch of your buddies on a cruise and occasionally shoot at polar bears, we assume. But it’s going to be a little less cool now.
Canadian sailors won’t be allowed to drink when they are off duty any more. In fact, they can only drink on special occasions with the captain’s permission. Apparently they had beer vending machines on their ships, which is an awesome idea, but no longer.
In the Canadian Navy, you can sail the sober seas.
Many a man has sat in church wishing he was at the bar watching football and drinking beer. For the lucky patrons of a Buffalo Wild Winds in Birmingham, Alabama, now they can do both.
A local church will hold a service at one of the sports bar locations there. This should work well, because everyone’s attention will be on the minister, rather than the dozens of 72-inch TVs that run throughout the building. Plus, when the team is down, bow your head and pray. Jesus won’t mind if his blood is Coors Light instead of wine, right? The real challenge will be holding off on breaking the seal until the service is over.
This is going to get the guns-and-God crowd all confused.
Do you have a problem with rowdy youths in your neighborhood? Is it a huge risk for you just to talk to the store to buy a couple things at night? Then you should try beer.
A 50-year-old Boston-area man was able to scare off some knife-wielding teens armed with nothing but a shopping bag with beer in it. You’d think the would-be muggers would just take the beer, but whatever.
America is the eating champion of the world, and we have been for 72-years straight. No one can eat like us. They don’t even come close. We compete against each other to eat the most hot dogs, pies and other healthy snacks. We have entire TV network dedicated to the cooking and enjoying of food.
We’re also adventurous eaters. As a country, we enjoy more variety of food than any generation before us. No one thinks twice if you say you’re having Vietnamese-Cuban infusion for lunch, and mouths water at “innovations” like waffle tacos or pizza with a Doritos crust. But with all this looking forward in food, we seem to find ourselves looking wistfully at the past.
It’s a terrible trend. Don’t believe me? Continue reading
Raise a glass to your ancestor from 10 million years ago. It’s because of them that you and drink in the first place.
We’ve known that people have gotten drunk for thousands of years, scientists even credit beer as the reason we have civilization in the first place, but we didn’t know how far back we’d been buzzed. Turns out, human ancestors were first able to process alcohol about 10 million years ago by eating fermented fruit. That doesn’t mean that some ape-man grabbed rotting fruit and figured out it made him feel all spinny, it means that some ape-man ate rotting fruit, and hurled it up because he couldn’t process it. He kept trying and trying, and so did generations after him, until one day his ape-man ancestor was able to eat rotting fruit and not puke, allowing him to eat more and more.
Perseverance. Pass it on.
I run. There, I said it. I don’t marathons or anything, and I try not to brag about my accomplishments. Let’s face it, we’ve all seen one of those “26.2” stickers on a car and given serious thought to plowing into the back of them. I don’t even close to that far on my best day, so I figure I should just keep it to myself.
I was amazed when I first started at how strong a connection there is between the world of beer and running. For example, there’s a thing called the beer mile. A lot of people out there who are otherwise active and healthy people really seem to enjoy getting plastered at the end of a race. Runners will say that they are really into beer because it’s got all the nutrients you need after a long run, but really, it’s because they spend so much on beer that running is the only sport they can afford. I have run in a race almost entirely because there was free beer at the end of it. It was my first race ever.
But there’s more of a connection between beer and running than just working hard and playing hard, they also both encourage judging hard. Here’s how to not do that. Continue reading
The mid-term election campaign that ended yesterday was one of the most expensive in American history, and no one even cared about it. Just imagine how much worse it will be in two years! But the spending is nothing compared to what we spend on beer.
Some estimates have spending for this election as high as $3.67 billion on Congressional campaigning. That may sound like a lot, but it’s dwarfed by the $59.9 billion we came together as a drunken nation to spend on beer last year, according to the Bureau of Economic Analysis.
And that is why more political campaigns need to give out koozies.
Four years ago we told you about some beer and champagne from the 1840s that was found in a shipwreck at the bottom of the Baltic Sea near Finland. Then we told you when some of the champagne went up for auction a year later. Now, we’ve got another exciting update.
You can buy the beer. OK, well you can buy some beer that was recreated by Belgian scientists after analyzing the beer that had been chilling since 1842. They found what type of yeast was used and figured out it was from Belgium. Then they did their best to recreate the rest of the brew, because 170 years is too long for a beer to age, even a Belgian.
It can be yours for the reasonable price of $143, plus shipping, handling and duties.
When life gives you lemons, make lemonade–unless you’re in Germany, then make shandy.
That’s exactly what the city of Essen is doing in an attempt to make its alcoholic homeless more useful. Essen is putting its homeless to work by paying them in cash, as well as three beers, a meal and some cigarettes for cleaning up the city each day. Critics say it’s cruel to give an addict the thing he or she is addicted to as a form of payment, no matter what the substance, and that the program will make the city no better than a crack dealer.
To that, the city says, “Happy Oktoberfest!”
Wine kind of sucks. It’s the only type of alcohol that comes in a big bottle and goes bad if you don’t drink it all. It also makes you look like you have lipstick on. No one has ever talked about a bottle of wine and not sounded like a douche. You don’t go out to a bar after work and order a glass of red. Basically, unless you don’t like beer for some reason (don’t trust these people), over 40, or happen to be in Europe, there’s no good reason to drink wine.
You wouldn’t know that if you looked at modern science. It seems like every other week there’s a new story talking about how wine makes you stronger or thinner or some other random health benefit. These drunken scientists in their cabernet-stained lab coats like to tell us all how great wine is, but they forget their own bias. They’re so focused on wine that they forgot to test other, more delicious types of alcohol.
Namely, beer. Continue reading