Tagged: beer

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

You need another excuse for your drunken hook-up

Remember that time you went home with that girl at the bar, only to find the next morning she didn’t look as good as she did when you were drunk? Science says you’re making that up.

According to a recent study in Bristol, England, there may be no such thing as beer goggles after all. Researchers conducted a study of patrons of three pubs in town where they showed people images of faces and asked for their attractiveness rating, then they measured their BAC. The study was kind of like a drunken Hot or Not throwback. They found no clear correlation between the attractiveness ratings a person gave and the amount of booze in their bloodstream.

Some say the study shows that lowered inhibitions and lower standards could make the drunken hook-ups happen.

| Filed under A Word from Our Sponsors, Booze News

The most important beer of the day

HefeWheaties: technically not breakfast because you never went to sleep. Like a damn champion.
HefeWheaties: technically not breakfast because you never went to sleep. Like a damn champion.

America was founded by prudes, sure, but they were beer-drinking prudes, so what the hell happened to drinking booze with breakfast? The company that brought you weird feelings about Mary Lou Retton with your first cup of coffee plans to bring back the meal that has fueled headhunters and pyramid-builders alike: breakfast beer.

General Mills and the Fulton brewery have joined forces to produce HefeWheaties — a slight variation on the hefeweizen, a German beer recipe that is 50 percent made from fermented wheat — that combines marketing forces with the breakfast of champions: little chocolate donuts Wheaties.

Neither company has announced whether they will feature famous sports figures on the cans, but The Guys’ vote is for John Daly and Bob Ueker.

| Filed under Booze News, That Wacky Australia

In some parts of the world, booze is hard to come by

You’re lucky to be a drunk in the U.S. That is, of course, if you’re reading this in the U.S., and a drunk. People who like to bend an elbow don’t have it so lucky in other parts of the world.

In remote parts of Australia, people are using Vegemite to make booze. The spread contains yeast, so desperate Aussies who want a buzz use it to make the Australian equivalent of bathtub gin. This had led to calls to limit Vegemite purchases, which in turn led to a panic to keep Vegemite legal. This is a serious issue.

But not as serious as the situation in Venezuela, where they are slowing beer production because of a shortage of the grains and hops necessary to brew. Understandably, the nation is freaking out.

So enjoy that next sip, you patriotic lush.

| Filed under Booze News, That Wacky New Zealand

New Zealand thinks you’d like a glass of elk semen beer

This is the face it makes when they harvest.
This is the face it makes when they harvest.

Is it time for the craft beer movement to come to an end? The Guys really enjoy beer, especially the kind of beer than isn’t crappy. But there’s a part of the craft brewing movement that’s all about extreme things. And it might just have hit its limit.

If the extreme brewing sect ends, you can trace it back to New Zealand, specifically, a stout brewed with elk semen. Choice Bros. calls it a “milked” stout. (Get it guys? Get it? Milked!) It’s been brewed for the Green Man Pub in Wellington, which apparently does something like these every couple years. Back in 2011, it was apple-infused horse semen shots, in 2013, they served syringes of stag semen.

So if you think ingesting alcohol mixed with the seminal fluids of an animal sounds like a good time, here’s your new favorite bar.

| Filed under Booze News

140-year-old beer survived a failed trip to North Pole

There are beers that are just badass and deserve an audience with your mouth, like if they were on an expedition to the North Pole. Unfortunately, you’ll never have any.

In 1875, Sir George Nares set off on an expedition to reach the North Pole. And he needed to bring along enough provisions to keep his men fed during the dangerous trip. Also, he needed beer. He didn’t make it to the North Pole, and 140-years later, a bottle of beer from that expedition turned up in some guy’s garage in England, and no one knows how it got there.

No doubt, a sip from a mysterious bottle would give you a taste of the grit these adventurers had, and perhaps even give you an inkling into how the beer got from the Arctic Circle, back to England. The bottle sold for 600 pounds, or probably around the same amount in real American dollars. So you’ll just have to drink some other beer until you feel like you’re on a doomed expedition.

| Filed under Booze News

More proof that beer is the key to immortality

Mark Behrends is 110 years old. Once you hit that level, you’re only asked one question. Say it with us know: “What’s the secret of your longevity?” Behrends says beer is the reason he’s been around long enough to see two different centuries.

That’s a great thing. It seems like every week there’s another study talking about how beer is good for us. The only thing here is that Behrends said he drinks only one beer per day. Can you imagine? Who drinks just one beer?

On second thought, nobody wants to live forever.

| Filed under Booze News, It Must Be Science!

Intoxicating curves

This probably explains why we drink so much champagne out of glasses (allegedly) molded from Marie Antoinette's funbags.
This probably explains why we drink so much champagne out of glasses (allegedly) molded from Marie Antoinette’s funbags.

We all know that curves can be dangerous, especially when you’re drinking. But, apparently that even applies to your pint glass.

Researchers from the¬†University of Bristol and Tobacco and Alcohol Research Group of Bristol found that people drank more beer faster if served in a curved glass as opposed to a straight-sided glass. They believe it’s because the curved glass distorts our perception of how full the glass is, impairing our ability to measure and pace ourselves.

However, this remained true even after adding measurement markers to the curved glasses, which possibly indicates that we can’t keep our hands and lips off of curves, no matter what they’re made out of.

| Filed under Booze News

Collagen beer will make you look younger, ladies

Ladies, do you enjoy drinking, but hate what it does to your skin? A new beer in Japan might be just the thing for you.

“Precious,” a beer by Suntory wants to restore your youthful glow. A 5% alcohol-by-volume, Precious can help you get a buzz and make you look younger, because it has collagen in it. The naysayers and their degrees say that the beer doesn’t have enough collagen in it to actually make a difference in your complexion, but what do they know?

With this beer, no longer will it be obvious you woke up on the floor, ladies.

| Filed under Booze News

Make your crappy beer into tea

Do you have money to spend on an unproven Kickstarter campaign, but not enough to buy a decent six-pack at the store? Then your priorities are screwed up, and we’ve found a great product for you.

Introducing Hop Theory, special ingredients to turn your crappy beer into possibly something that tastes better. They send you a bag of their special blend of cascade hops, orange peel, and coriander seeds. Basically, your beer is just so hoppy you can taste the crap anymore. You drop the bag into your beer and let it steep, then it makes your beer taste better.

That’s right, if you didn’t think beer snobbery was enough of a boys’ club already, you can now pay some dudes to teabag your beer.

| Filed under You Missed It

You Missed It: Air mail edition

Another example of wasteful spending by the U.S. Postal Service.
Another example of wasteful spending by the U.S. Postal Service.

Look, I like beer. I drink it, some would say too much of it, and I brew my own every now and then. I’m pretty glad to see that people are trying out new beers and testing the boundaries all the time. But there are some things that just don’t need to happen, like New Belgium and Ben & Jerry’s teaming up for Salted Caramel Brownie brown ale. I like New Belgium, they do some fine beers. And I like Ben & Jerry’s, especially since I’m from Vermont. But that doesn’t mean that we need a beer that tastes like ice cream. If craft beer drinkers can criticize A-B Inbev for their [Fruit Flavor]-A-Rita abominations, they must hit New Belgium just as hard. If you were busy getting reinstated by the NFL after beating your child this week, odds are you missed it.

The mail gets through
This week, the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C., was shut down when a gyrocopter landed nearby. The pilot was Douglas Hughes, a 61-year-old mailman from Florida, because of course he was. He was arrested immediately. The man told a local newspaper his plans days before he carried them out, but it was still news to Capitol security forces. Remember when crazy mailmen would shoot-up their workplaces? Who says the world’s not getting better?

When Matthew McConaughey cries
Predictably, people collectively lost their minds after another trailer for the new Star Wars movie dropped this week. This one showed the famed Millennium Falcon being chased by Imperial forces, like the last one. However, considering what we now know about Harrison Ford’s flying abilities, we should give Chewbacca more credit than we do for keeping that thing in one piece.

The bus is on fire
Country group Lady Antebellum’s tour bus caught fire in Texas on Thursday. The bus was pretty much gutted, but everyone got out of the bus without being harmed. Don’t worry, God, you’ll get them next time.