There are beers that are just badass and deserve an audience with your mouth, like if they were on an expedition to the North Pole. Unfortunately, you’ll never have any.
In 1875, Sir George Nares set off on an expedition to reach the North Pole. And he needed to bring along enough provisions to keep his men fed during the dangerous trip. Also, he needed beer. He didn’t make it to the North Pole, and 140-years later, a bottle of beer from that expedition turned up in some guy’s garage in England, and no one knows how it got there.
No doubt, a sip from a mysterious bottle would give you a taste of the grit these adventurers had, and perhaps even give you an inkling into how the beer got from the Arctic Circle, back to England. The bottle sold for 600 pounds, or probably around the same amount in real American dollars. So you’ll just have to drink some other beer until you feel like you’re on a doomed expedition.
Mark Behrends is 110 years old. Once you hit that level, you’re only asked one question. Say it with us know: “What’s the secret of your longevity?” Behrends says beer is the reason he’s been around long enough to see two different centuries.
That’s a great thing. It seems like every week there’s another study talking about how beer is good for us. The only thing here is that Behrends said he drinks only one beer per day. Can you imagine? Who drinks just one beer?
We all know that curves can be dangerous, especially when you’re drinking. But, apparently that even applies to your pint glass.
Researchers from the University of Bristol and Tobacco and Alcohol Research Group of Bristol found that people drank more beer faster if served in a curved glass as opposed to a straight-sided glass. They believe it’s because the curved glass distorts our perception of how full the glass is, impairing our ability to measure and pace ourselves.
However, this remained true even after adding measurement markers to the curved glasses, which possibly indicates that we can’t keep our hands and lips off of curves, no matter what they’re made out of.
Ladies, do you enjoy drinking, but hate what it does to your skin? A new beer in Japan might be just the thing for you.
“Precious,” a beer by Suntory wants to restore your youthful glow. A 5% alcohol-by-volume, Precious can help you get a buzz and make you look younger, because it has collagen in it. The naysayers and their degrees say that the beer doesn’t have enough collagen in it to actually make a difference in your complexion, but what do they know?
With this beer, no longer will it be obvious you woke up on the floor, ladies.
Look, I like beer. I drink it, some would say too much of it, and I brew my own every now and then. I’m pretty glad to see that people are trying out new beers and testing the boundaries all the time. But there are some things that just don’t need to happen, like New Belgium and Ben & Jerry’s teaming up for Salted Caramel Brownie brown ale. I like New Belgium, they do some fine beers. And I like Ben & Jerry’s, especially since I’m from Vermont. But that doesn’t mean that we need a beer that tastes like ice cream. If craft beer drinkers can criticize A-B Inbev for their [Fruit Flavor]-A-Rita abominations, they must hit New Belgium just as hard. If you were busy getting reinstated by the NFL after beating your child this week, odds are you missed it.
The mail gets through
This week, the U.S. Capitol in Washington, D.C., was shut down when a gyrocopter landed nearby. The pilot was Douglas Hughes, a 61-year-old mailman from Florida, because of course he was. He was arrested immediately. The man told a local newspaper his plans days before he carried them out, but it was still news to Capitol security forces. Remember when crazy mailmen would shoot-up their workplaces? Who says the world’s not getting better?
When Matthew McConaughey cries
Predictably, people collectively lost their minds after another trailer for the new Star Wars movie dropped this week. This one showed the famed Millennium Falcon being chased by Imperial forces, like the last one. However, considering what we now know about Harrison Ford’s flying abilities, we should give Chewbacca more credit than we do for keeping that thing in one piece.
The bus is on fire
Country group Lady Antebellum’s tour bus caught fire in Texas on Thursday. The bus was pretty much gutted, but everyone got out of the bus without being harmed. Don’t worry, God, you’ll get them next time.
It’s not easy being a Chicago Cubs fan. The Cubs are a team that, through and through, manages to just foul up and make “this year” not “their year,” and that’s coming from someone who doesn’t even like baseball. That’s how famously bad they are!
As such, it’s understandable that Cubs fans would drink heavily at their games. Unfortunately, drinking tends to make a bladder less reliable, forcing the drinker to need to pee. Double unfortunately, so many Cubs fans were drinking so many beers due to the Cubs being so bad on Opening Day that the lines to use bathrooms at Wrigley Field were THE WORST.
Long lines at the bathroom and drunken fans needing to pee of course led to some fans using their plastic cups as a makeshift urinal. These would be the same plastic cups used to drink beer in. People, if you’re going to get beers at Wrigley Field, please, oh please, make sure that the beers are cold.
Oregon’s Ninkasi Brewing has launched vials of yeast into space, then retrieved them, and come up with an imperial stout. While this brings space beer to new heights, the real accomplishment is that the company refrained from saying that the beer is “out of this world.”
Hey, remember that beer that was probably the oldest ever found? The one from the shipwreck in the Baltic? Scientists now have a better idea of what it tasted like.
Since you probably don’t have the cash to spend on a brewery’s re-creation of the brew, it’s imagination time. Using chemical analysis and other techniques, researchers found that it was an amber ale, and it had an ABV of about 4.5%, which isn’t really the strength you’d think would be imported from a faraway land. Because the bacteria was still alive inside the bottle, scientists were even able to tell what kind of hops were used, but probably knew better than to list it, so they didn’t come off as beer snobs.
Just grab something barrel-aged for this weekend. It will cost you less, and it will still be a trip back in time.
There is no shortage of serious issues to address these days. Not that there was ever a time when there weren’t any problems that we as a society had to address, I just like opening up with a platitude. It gets you all on my side. And I don’t need to tell you that one of the most important issues today is beer.
It’s been a while since we talked about beer and the issues around it. I can tell you there is one non-issue getting a lot of press since the Super Bowl: the AB-InBev attack ad on craft beer. It’s not news that craft beer has long looked down its nose at poor-quality, mass-produced brews, but it was the first time one of the big boys hit back. It’s not an issue, because it didn’t do anything but get people riled up. No one watched the ad and decided to reconsider their taste in beer. No one. It just made beer related social media annoying to follow for a while.