Despite what the so-called media may report, animals aren’t innocent. In fact, some of them can be real jerks, as a few college kids in California found out.
The “official” story is that some college kids stole a turkey from a local high school and later returned it, missing some feathers and reeking of beer. But we know better. In Orange County, Tim the turkey somehow convinced three college students to let him out of his pen and take him on a wild ride. He likely plied the boy with alcohol, and got them in to trouble, as only turkeys can.
Of course, the kids were arrested, and the turkey was simply returned to its pen. Welcome to Obama’s America.
President Barack Obama’s lifting of the embargo with Cuba wasn’t so much a declaration of peace as it was a declaration of war — specifically, on Cuba’s beer industry.
Now that Americans can travel to Cuba, they seem to be packing their powerful thirst for beer along with them on vacation. They are drinking the country dry. No longer satisfied with Cuba libres or banana daquiris, Americans want to sample the local beer while, and Cuban brewers are having trouble keeping up with demand.
But could this be a bad thing? If Yanqui tourists are drinking up all of the country’s beer, what will the average Josés drink after a long day’s work? A population with out its booze can get rather riled up.
Some people say that the craft beer movement has a problem with being a boys’ club. There are sexist beer names, sexist beer labels, and of course, some beer snobs out there are also snobbish about genders. One Polish company wants to change all that by brewing a beer using a swab from a model’s lady parts.
The only reason to get on a boat is to drink. Whether it’s a small fishing boat or an ocean liner, one must drink. That’s why no one joins the Navy, you can’t drink at sea. So it’s good news that soon you’ll be able to drink beer brewed at sea on a cruise ship.
Later this year, a Carnival cruise ship will be the first in North America to have a brewery on board. Even though you should really go with liquor to get your money’s worth while at sea, you’ll be able to order an IPA, a wheat beer and a stout brewed right there on the ship, thanks to a partnership with Concrete Beach Brewery in Miami.
Is it the beer s&%ts or just the stomach bug going around the ship? Who knows? Drink anyway.
Germans love to talk about the superiority of their beer. Some of it’s good, some of it’s just like the cheap stuff we have here, but somehow a little more European. Germany looks down on the craft beer revolution here in America, but now we have their secret ingredient: weed killer.
Last week, an environmental group over there found trace amounts of an ingredient in weed killer in 14 of the most popular beers in Germany. The amounts of the weed killer, glyphosate, aren’t large enough to hurt a human, but it has some raising questions.
Meanwhile in the U.S., we just dump any of the big three beer brands to kill our weeds.
We’ve been fighting the War on Animals for a long time. The goal isn’t to wipe animals off the face of the Earth, just mostly so. If we killed them all, we’d be forced to go vegetarian, and there is no darker fate. But now it seems that there’s one more animal we can’t live without: wasps.
According to a recent study, a species of yeast commonly used in making beer and wine can live and reproduce in the guts of wasps. Researchers say that there might be different varieties of the yeast because of cross-breeding inside the insects. Each yeast lends its own flavor to the alcohol it makes.
It seems wasps may be the drunkest species on the planet.
Some holiday magic landed in London last Friday. The bad news is that the holiday cheer is already dried up.
Carlsberg, a brand of beer you’ve probably seen on soccer jerseys, set up a Christmas tree along the Thames River in London on Friday. This wasn’t just any Christmas tree, it came with a gift for everyone: the gift of free beer. For seven hours, Londoners got to drink free beer. We can only assume that this led to other holiday traditions in England, such as throwing up in the street and getting into fistfights.
Here’s hoping for the Christmas miracle to make it here to the U.S.
The LGBT community has achieved a lot in recent years, thanks to a lot of hard work. And now, they can enjoy their own beer after all their hard work.
Oddball Scottish brewery BrewDog has partnered with the organizers of a British LGBT event that is the world’s first transgender beer. The beer, No Label, won’t chang you or anything, but it is in between styles. It’s made with hops that have changed genders (yes, there are boy hop vines and girl hop vines). Further it’s a Kolsch, which is kind of between a lager and an ale.
The Guys are pleased to hear that the LGBT community has a beer honoring them. The beer world is all about acceptance and change. Except when it comes to vegans.
Apparently, it costs more than a couple of cases of beer to get the FBI to go through family members’ texts. At least, that’s what a judge in North Carolina learned after being charged with attempted bribery.
According to the FBI, Superior Court Judge Arnold Ogden Jones was charged with attempted bribery after allegedly offering an agent a couple of cases — y’know, like buddies — if the agent would ignore a lack of probable cause and obtain some text messages for “just for [him].” And who hasn’t asked their neighbor or coworker for that? Violating the U.S. Constitution is just one of those things good friends do, like loan a cup of sugar without habeas corpus or quarter some troops, no questions asked.
Of course, then things got weird because the agent reportedly turned down the beer(!) and asked for $100 instead. Jones should’ve known something was up, because nobody turns down free beer. I mean, cash is nice, but you can’t drink it and, believe us, it doesn’t get you high when you smoke it.
Congratulations, vegans, you’ve won. You finally made everything that was enjoyable about the world crappy enough for you to put it in your body.
For hundreds of years, Guinness has been made in Ireland, and while the brewing methods may have changed, it’s always been with the same ingredients. Now, they’re going to change the recipe so your smelly, greasy-haired friend you wish you hadn’t invited to the party can enjoy it too. Guinness will no longer use isinglass, a gelatin made from fish bladders, to remove yeast particles from its beer. So now you can listen to your friend ramble about the dangers of chemicals in water while he or she gets drunk on the most famous stout in the world.
The only good news here is that this change will only happen for the Guinness brewed in Ireland. Here in the U.S., we can still proudly drink our beer with the fish bladder goop in it.