Tag: beer

They probably didn’t have IDs

Once again, the animals are out to get us, but this time it’s not just us they’re after, it’s our booze. A beer store in the Greensburg, Pennsylvania metropolitan area (the most populous city in the U.S.) was invaded recently by three deer.

The animals first subdued one worker, then finding the store devoid of customers/hostage, they began jumping around cases of beer, no doubt looking for their brand. The deer were visibly drunk, as you can see in the video. From the moment they step into the store, they are stumbling and sliding around.

If there’s one thing worse than an enemy, it’s an enemy with a drinking problem because he’s not a worthy adversary. And if there’s one thing worse than an enemy with a drinking problem, it’s one who tries to swipe your booze!

Within beershot

The biggest beer bust Brunei’s border bobbie’s have ever seen brought in 1,382 cans of illegally smuggled beer. (That’s an even almightier alliteration, Rick. Your move.) The two men were arrested after trying to sneak in the booze into a booze-free zone.

All we have to say is that if the police dumped out the beer, that is the biggest party foul since Prohibition.

Table manners Godwinned

Next time you’re at dinner and your kids’ insistence on eating with their feet threaten your appetite, you can now correct their behavior with, “You know who else had atrocious table manners?”

According to a recently discovered secret intelligence report (found during housecleaning, so who knows what’s in your attic?), der Furher had a penchant for biting his nails, gorging on cakes and poorly engaging in conversation during meals.

However, something else interesting came up in the report: Hitler drank one or two glasses of beer with each meal of vegetables or stewed fruit. So, looks like he did drink after all … just not nearly as much as Churchill.

Finally, a sport you can play along with at home

It’s Monday morning, and for many of you, your first day back on the job since the holidays. This can mean only one thing: you are thinking about skipping out at lunch and heading to the bar closest to your office. We don’t blame you one bit.

In fact, while you’re there, you may want to brush up on your beer pong skills (assuming it can legally be played in bars where you live), because, like a Dominican national, practicing your technique could bring you to the big time.

The World Series of Beer Pong is wrapping up today in Las Vegas. There, teams have the chance to show their stuff in between dunking ping pong balls in warm water in an effort to wash off the dust bunnies and curly hairs in a totally sanitary manner. This apparently is the fourth installment of the World Series of Beer Pong, which begs the question: how did it get under our radar for so long?

Rest assured, Team SG will be there next year, and we will have our drinking shoes on.

BEER! FROM! SPAAAAAAACE!

Proving once again why Russian cosmonauts are the Celica to American astronauts’ Corolla, these brave souls have finally found a space station experiment worth toasting: growing barley and brewing it into beer back on Earth.

The Russian Academy of Science partnered with Okayama University (Japan) and the Sapporo brewing company, which proves that beer can unite even the staunchest of rivals. Who could forget Tsarist Russia’s humiliating defeat by the Imperial Japanese Navy at the Battle of Tsushima in 1905? Anyone with a zero-G buzz.

Thanks to this successful effort, the possibility of space rice wine (Sake!) has been proposed by Japan. Of course, the Russians are looking at growing potatoes in the near future.

Hey, his blood is wine, right?

If there is one potential marketing ploy that is never used, it’s God. No one ever tries to court the Christians in America, despite the fact that they are a huge demographic. Perhaps one day Christmas will be a larger holiday like it deserves to be, until then we must stick to beer.

We turn now to the 27th Great American Beer Festival (held three weeks after the So-So American Beer Festival), in our search for God. There, one entrepreneur is asking, What Would Jesus Brew? At the festival, one could find beers from an old Abbey, He’Brew, a Jewish beer, Genesis Ale, Messiah Bold and even Damnation.

So does this mean drinking on Sunday is OK with God?

The McBournie Minute: Modern day boobs look much better

Yesterday I had an experience that transported me back in time. I am not talking about the kind of taking you back in time when you hear a song you remember from high school. I am talking about like medieval kind of back in time. I went to the Maryland Renaissance Festival.

Having never gone to something like that, I had no idea what to expect. I did know one thing: there would be beer.

The first thing I noticed, of course, were the people dressed up and speaking in accents. There were fat dudes with funny hats and frilly shirts, merrily strolling around shouting merry things at the people passing by. This may have been because of the beer in their cups, or maybe the banter was just to take their minds off of the fact that they are middle-aged men wearing tights from the Middle Ages. There were ladies in Renaissance era dresses who also looked merry, but were for some reason not wearing tights. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Modern day boobs look much better

How To: Tune out the election

In case you haven’t noticed, the United States is engaged in an economic crisis two wars a gas crunch a bake-off a presidential election. In fact, we’ve been engaged in this election, and nothing else, for over a year now–and we’re tired of it.

If it weren’t for the schadenfreude that is Sarah Palin blooper tapes, the American public would have moved on to something else by now. (Did the new American Idol season start, yet? We’ll watch that at this point.)

Everyone knows who they’re voting for already, and those that rely on the debates to form their opinion could fit in the college rec halls where they hold those things. Even Ohio has moved up their election, just get the damn thing over with, and that’s Ohio! There’s nothing else to talk about in Ohio and they want this crap done.

Unfortunately, we’re stuck in this rut until November 5, when we start the new news cycle: “What did the President-Elect say today?” How will you survive until the inauguration in January? Read on to learn how to tune out the election. Continue reading How To: Tune out the election

Take it from Snee: Your bumper stickers and you

Bumper stickers: they may be the only clues we have about our fellow drivers. It dawned on me that people put these on their vehicles explicitly to tell us about themselves and their wonderful children and whatnot.

I mean, sure, you think you’re just proud to have a kid in Cub Scouts. But how would, say, a pedophile scout leader read that? (Braggadocio, most likely.)

What they don’t realize, though, is that their bumper stickers may say things they never intended. As a service to you, I have decoded popular ones so that you may avoid embarrassment or even roadside homicide. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Your bumper stickers and you

Biggest party foul ever

Folks, drop down to your knees and thank your chosen deity that you live in these United States of America (at least we assume you do). You live in a country where freedom is more than just a battle cry, it’s a political jingoistic cliché. Here, we don’t have silly laws against filling up stadiums with beer.

That’s just not the case in Germany. There, a teen is on trial for causing €100,000 (roughly $8.5 billion) worth of damage to an area in Dusseldorf when he and his friend allegedly flooded the place with beer, which is a violation of the Oktoberfest Law.

Three taps were opened in the VIP area in 2006, causing a lot of German gold to spill out into the stadium and a conference room. The beer eventually found its way to the parking lot, where it sat in post-game traffic for over an hour.

(via Deadspin)