Just wait until they hear about furries

One Million Moms, the support group for people who only want moms to be women, has found a new target to focus their seething and volatile rage upon: Skittles.

No, it’s not focused upon the grape flavored Skittles. No, it’s not focused upon the candy’s theory of tasting the rainbow. No, it’s not focused upon those horrible chocolate Skittles they released a couple years ago (though it should be, that’s how bad they were).

It’s focused upon a Skittles commercial that sees a woman kissing a CGI/animatronic walrus. While not only odd, the commercial also shows a blatant and overt campaign for bestiality.

Does Skittles’ have our children’s best interest in mind? Skittles candies are for all ages, but their target market is children… Skittles Marketing Team may have thought this was humorous, but not only is it disgusting, it is taking lightly the act of bestiality.

We’re going to take a wild guess here, but unless the Skittles marketing team consists of a bunch of mountain men that copulate with goats, I think it might be safe to say that bestiality is still considered a no-no at the company. Unless they’re all for sea bestiality.

And “sea bestiality” sounds like someone fornicating with a giant flippered monster.

Science continues to wow us with obvious news

We would’ve thought that fraternizing with the enemy in the biblical sense would obviously be a bad decision to make, but here comes science (heh) with another reason for why bestiality probably shouldn’t occur: you’ll get penis tumors.

Specifically, according to urologist and lead author Stenio de Cassio Zequi, you’ll be twice as likely to contract penile cancer.

“We think that the intense and long-term SWA [sex with animals] practice could produce micro-traumas in the human penile tissue,” Zequi said.

We would think that the micro-trauma is sex with animals. Also, when a report has to abbreviate “sex with animals,” nothing good can come from it.

No word’s come from Kevin Smith’s film camp on whether this study is true or not.

This is the best headline that you will ever hear

Not yesterday. Not today. Not this week.


It’s bad enough being part of a shotgun wedding. It’s even worse when the person you’re to marry isn’t so much a person, but an animal. BUT.

But when you pass out before you can, so to speak, complete the wedding duties, and in front of a ton of onlookers? Well, we can understand the end results of the ceremony.

Shagging a sheep does not make someone a sex offender

But, man oh man, is it still ever just wrong. And outside of West Virginia no less? Unheard of.

A court ruled this week that a man who sodomized a sheep will not have to register as a sex offender because the sheep cannot be considered a victim of sexual assault under Michigan law. We hope that after the injured livestock gets back on her feet she organizes a protest—or at least buys the dude a box of inflatable sheep sex dolls, or maybe just becomes an anti-bestiality activist.

The guys can only hope that the man was using some truly brutal interrogation techniques on such an obvious war-time opponent. After all, love cannot bloom on the battlefield.