Tag: bible

Half man! Half man! Half man!*

*As an apology for writing about Two and a Half Men, the Guys have used a line from a far superior show to try to make up for it. Sorry.

Chuck Lorre, creator of Two and a Half Men, The Big Bang Theory and Lawyer Porks the Granola Out of Some Hippie Chick

Angus T. Jones, the “half” in Two and a Half Men since he was 10 years old, has turned 19 and realized what most people do as they mature: that his show is garbage. Its scripts are generally what 1 Corinthians describes as speaking, thinking and reasoning as a child, which Angus — reaching the age of manhood — has decided to put away. Meanwhile, showrunner Chuck Lorre will continue to write exactly like this, whether on this show or in the six-season-long wedgie he’s been giving to nerds on The Big Bang Theory.

If Jones is legit, then godspeed. If he’s merely pulling a fake Kirk Cameron because even Charlie Sheen and Ashton Kutcher couldn’t destroy Two and a Half Men, then may his contract be short and found non-binding.

Thou shalt not call thy spouse ‘hubby’ or ‘wifey’

When the Reverend Cedric Miller spoke out against married couples using Facebook because it makes infidelity so easy, we knew that a scandal was around the corner. And, lo and behold, it was around that corner 10 years ago.

So a Reverend had sex with his wife and another man. If you had constant access to a book that told you the awesome wrong way to do everything, there’s no way you wouldn’t try something. How could you not mix meat and dairy just once?

But, let’s not lose the point here. Rev. Miller’s right: married couples should stay off of Facebook. Or at least just the ones whose profile pictures are of their children.

‘V’ actually stands for ‘Vatican’

The Catholic Church is looking into the possibility of life on other planets and how it could impact their understanding of God.

Pope Benedict XVI must have just read Chariots of Fire or something, because this isn’t really a new concept. While very little about aliens is mentioned in the Bible, this could help explain some of the more supernatural happenings. Perhaps instead of looking for angels, we should be looking for evidence of Biblical alien abductions.

As for the probings, well you can just investigate that one on your own.

Take it from Snee: Wake me up for the real missing link

Just when evolution is about to become an endangered species in public schools, the anti-religious forces manage to dig up a “missing link.” Again.

I’d get excited and use Paul’s Letter to the Ephesians to clean up afterwards, but — no matter how many humans with sloping foreheads or strange teeth or webbed feet they show me — none of these finds have the basic characteristics of a true missing link.

(Of course, when referring to the “missing link” and “evolution” in this article, I’m doing so with my tongue where God created it: firmly planted in my cheek.)

So, until any of the following are found, I’ll just go back to eating Jesus dipped in Welch’s Jesus Lite. (He may be risen, but He needs some flavor.) Continue reading Take it from Snee: Wake me up for the real missing link

Ask Dr. Snee: A pregnant pause

What lurks below?Dear Dr. Snee,

I have a 12-year-old son who has recently started spending a lot of time in the bathroom. A lot of time. When I ask him what he’s doing, he refuses to look me in the eye and says that he “was just, you know, going to the bathroom.” As a mother, I’d like to believe him, but what kind of kid goes to the bathroom three times in one hour?! What should I do?

–Potty-pooper

12-years-old, eh? Inordinate amount of time in the bathroom, you say? No complete sentences in this medical advice column yet? Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: A pregnant pause

Arkansas toddlers no longer enjoy freedom to marry

In another example of creeping fascism, the state of Arkansas has ended a marriage debate that is as old as, well, as old as last fall. The state has come down hard in its staunch Bible Belting point of view on marriage: children are no longer allowed to marry.

The debate arose last October, when it was discovered there was a loophole in a marriage law the legislature had recently passed that allowed anyone, regardless of their age, to marry. The state was marred with complaints, and numerous annulments had to be granted, because play-weddings ended up being officiated by justices of the peace.

This blog pleads with Arkansas to reverse its decision. We all know that kids are lazy. Perhaps getting married will force them to be more responsible and get a job, instead of mooching off of the older generation.

(Courtesy of Courtney P.)