The McBournie Minute: Don’t let Tiger Woods drive the golf cart

Welcome back, everyone. Hope both of you had a great Thanksgiving. I can’t speak for the rest of The Guys, but as much as I enjoyed a little time to relax, I missed being able to write–so much so that my fingers are rusty. I mean that metaphorically, of course.

No one’s really talking about it at the moment, but I hear tell that Tiger Woods, who you may know is a professional golfer, and pretty good, at that, got in a car accident outside his home while we were gone. What we do know is that it happened in the wee hours of the night, when nothing but arrests and pregnancies happen. We know that Woods was leaving his house when he hit a fire hydrant, which probably made an awesome geyser like you see in movie car chases. We know he hit a tree head on. We know that at some point the driver’s side window was broken.

We know that this isn’t the first time Tiger’s drive has gone off course and gotten him in a pickle. What? No more golf jokes? Fine. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Don’t let Tiger Woods drive the golf cart

Ask Dr. Snee: A weighty issue

Dear Dr. Snee,

I hate summer. I hate buying swimsuits. What can I do to lose some weight in a matter of weeks?

–Newark, NJ

You know, I’ve received a few of these letters recently, and not just from women. Thanks to feminism, more women are working hard in Hollywood to pass their neuroses onto men.

As a doctor with no endorsements (WTF?!), let me first say that fad diets are a hoax. They don’t work. If they do work, they don’t work properly. They’re all temporary diets, so you’ll go back to eating from the horse trough just as you did before, gaining back all the weight and then some.

I subscribe a variety of techniques to my patients depending on their personality and degree of obesity. Feel free to try any of these and then call me the morning after you become hot. Continue reading Ask Dr. Snee: A weighty issue