Pol aiming for Pole’s poles at polls

Polish singer Sara May (a.k.a. Katarzyna Szczolekis) is running for a Warsaw district council seat, and she’s found just the means to win Maxim international votes. Her latest campaign posters feature her in a bikini, lounging on the sand and captioned, “Beautiful, independent, competent.”

Hailing from the country that brought back democracy after the Greeks ran it into the ground, we’d like to say that this is a disgrace and should cost her the election, but it worked in Massachusetts.

Cancer cures put on hold for more research into DUH news

Nothing to see here people. Move right along. Water is still wet. Grass is still green. Balls are still round and men still see women in bikinis as objects. How do we know this?

Because we have a surplus amount of lazy graduate student scientists.

Here’s a way to understand the study: Scarlett Johansson is washing her car in a bikini. Because you’re a dirty pervert, you watch her doing so from her lawn hedge. The purpose of the study is to show the difference between thinking, “Scarlett is washing her car. It must be dirty.” and “Wash that car, Scarlett. Oh yeah! So dirty!”

Basically, they’re saying the first one, you associate a passive activity, and prescribe reason and motivation to why she’s doing something. The second one makes the actions much more directly associated, applies that all motivations are sexual, and involves more dirty words running through your mind.

So, what does this mean? Since science is not actually trying to attempt to solve anything useful, like curing horrible diseases or building me a sweet robot body, henceforth, scientists should only be allowed to study rutabagas. It would be just as productive as what they’re doing now.

Bikini bottom at your own risk

Forget football. Screw soccer. New Zealand is at it again, as they’ve found a new sexy sport to obsess over: bikini snowboarding! And bikini skiing! And bikini-well, everything else that people do on the slopes. The temperature might have to drop somewhat before the fun begins, but these girls are somehow managing to keep the lads at lodgers’ cabin warm already. Or maybe that’s the alcohol.

Let’s just go with a little bit of column A, and a little bit of column B.

There’s always room for v-i-o-l-e-n-c-e

Girls fighting in kiddie pools full of gelatin is usually a sober, dignified affair, but one sore loser at a Cambridge University contest had to go and spoil the dignity of the occasion by punching out a few spectators. Hey, this is Cambridge jelly wrestling—show some respect! People, take it from a professional who knows how to carry himself with dignity regarding a hallowed event such a Jell-O wrestling, it’s just not worth it to fight over water and colored agar gel.

Now, pudding wrestling, I can understand fists and feet being thrown over a decision in that.