Take it from Snee: Best Actor*

Eddie Redmayne, Best Actor* (Pre-integrated Academy Awards)
Eddie Redmayne, Best Actor* (Pre-integrated Academy Awards)

The Baseball Hall of Fame is, like a 1960s bus, divided in half. There is one committee for determining who gets inducted from prior to integration, and another committee for selecting inductees from post-integrated Major League Baseball.

This is justified because we have no idea how well white baseball players would have done and which teams would have won had black ball players not been banned from major league play. The Negro League had a number of stars that would have changed the entire competitive layout and style of play in MLB. For all we know, a team with Satchel Paige pitching would have destroyed the Yankees batting line-up of Mantle, DiMaggio and Gehrig.

And now that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences has failed to nominate any actors of color for two years in a row, we should consider putting an asterisk next to last year’s and this year’s winners.  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Best Actor*

Fox News CEO blocked out last 8 years

The real racists are the people who think Rupert Murdoch looks like the bad guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
The real racists are the people who think Rupert Murdoch looks like the bad guy from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Fox News CEO — and elected representative of the Australian Lizard People — Rupert Murdoch seems to have repressed memories of the last eight years. In spite of round-the-clock coverage of the Obama administration on his news network, he seemingly forgot all about our nation’s first black president when he posted on Twitter that he hopes Ben Carson will be our first “real black President.”

That is, either Murdoch has repressed all memories of the Obama administration, believing that the only black president America has had is Bill Clinton, or you’re only really black if you agree with him politically and racially.

Fortunately for white men everywhere, Ben Carson is determined to be the black friend that makes us not racist, whether he’s giving us permission to fly the Confederate flag or judge our own “Mr. African-American” contest:

The Carson campaign says it has no problems with Murdoch’s original tweet.

Of course you don’t, Dr. Carson. That’s how Rupert knows that you’re one of the good ones.

Chris Matthews doesn’t remember color

After President Barack “Still Doesn’t Show Up In Spellchecker” Obama’s State of the Union Address last night, MSNBC host Chris Matthews commented on … something about the President, saying:

“I was trying to think about who he was tonight. And uh, it’s interesting. He is post-racial, by all appearances. You know, I forgot he was black tonight for an hour….”

And so we delve into another entry into Profiles in Sadness.

Let’s start with the reaction, since that’s why we’re even talking about this today: stupid people, with names like “Shoehead” and “Brent Bozell” think he was being racist.

Here’s our question: does anybody know what Chris Matthews was talking about? Is he saying he forgot about Barack Obama’s race? That Obama has wiped out race? That he sounds like a cooler-than-average white guy when Matthews close his eyes? That race ceased to exist for an hour because Obama may or may not be black until you look inside the TV, a Schrödinger’s Democrat?

We’ll take this further: does Chris Matthews know what Chris Matthews is talking about ever? Does this sound like a man who speaks with any forethought whatsoever?

  • “The on-air host was roundly criticized for calling West Point cadets ‘the enemy camp’ when Obama spoke at the U.S. Military Academy in December.”
  • “Matthews also was criticized for saying he ‘felt this thrill going up my leg’ after listening to Obama speak during the presidential primary campaign.”

And that’s the saddest part about this story. Chris Matthews doesn’t speak. MSNBC runs a fanhose to his ***hole, and cuts it on whenever it’s time for words to come out of his mouth. He’s like a perfect pitch bagpipe, as in no matter how many people like his music, damn if it isn’t both annoying and perplexing.

So, who really loses in this affair? We’re gonna go with the party with the least to say about it: MSNBC. They still have no comment.

Take it from Snee: The McCain Saboteur

OK, I’ve kept my mouth (fingers?) shut–politically–since the Democratic primary. I mean, there isn’t much to this presidential race right now.

In the one corner, you’ve got Barack Obama. He’s young, black, has only served in Congress for four years and is a Democrat. Despite all of that, he’s running a smart campaign with few gaffes, won plenty of German votes and has managed to avoid any accusation of extra-marital affairs.

In the other corner, there’s John McCain. He’s old, white, has served in Congress for almost as long as I’ve been alive, nearly won the nomination in 2000 and is a Republican AND war vet. Sure, he’s had his mix-ups like outdated geography and screwing up the dance steps to the Macarena, but that’s been the winning formula since 1789, when George Washington shooed the first kids off the South Lawn.

So, no offense to Senator Obama, but why on Earth is McCain looking so bad? Is he really this clueless, or is there someone sabotaging his campaign? Continue reading Take it from Snee: The McCain Saboteur

Generalization: just one of our many services

It’s time to play our country’s favorite game … How Does One Guy Represent All Black Americans?!

Today’s question is a tough one, so pay close attention:

If Barack Obama is elected President, would this mean that all black people …

a) … are equal to whites now?

b) … will get better jobs?

c) … who aren’t Barack Obama will not be President?

Send your responses to race-baiting@slownews.com.

Those who can’t (get elected) …

Did you know Ralph Nader’s running again? We didn’t until today.

Mr. Nader kicked off his campaign with class by offering some advice to his whippersnapper opponent, Barack Obama on how to act black. He offered up the following list:

  • Stop “talking white.” While it’s good to not threaten white voters … you need to threaten white voters. Think of our votes like they’re our wallets.
  • Talk a lot about specific black problems. The problem is that you don’t understand black people like Ralph Nader does. You need to prove that by talking like Ralph Nader.
  • Appeal to “white guilt.” You know who white people love? Their mothers. Pile the guilt on!

Elections are a tough business, Mr. Obama. It takes some people 30 campaigns to find the right one. You could still win this one, though. Win it the Nader way!