Randy buggers and right inclement weather

Winter sucks. It’s a fact. Another fact: Half the world is suffering through winter right this very second, and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. Here in the United States, we’ve been hit hard by cold weather and snow storms, but we’re not the only ones affected by the weather.

In the United Kingdom, people have been stuck indoors because they have gotten so much snow. And by so much, we mean millimeters, or whatever crazy measurement they use in that monarchy. So, what have English people done to pass the time indoors? They got online and went to a Web site designed for extra-marital affairs. IllicitEncounters.com (no, we’re not linking to it, you’re at work, remember?) received a record number of new profiles in a 24-hour period last week as a snow storm hit.

This apparently is a bad time to be married in England.

The McBournie Minute: Drunkard vs. Wild

I trudged on through the blinding snow. It was piling up by the hour, and conditions were getting worse all the time. I pushed onward because I had to make it to my goal, and make it to safety. I was out in the middle of a blizzard carving my own path in the ever-deepening snow. Somewhere far behind me my car lay buried. Everywhere, people found themselves stuck. I pushed on ahead despite the cold wind blowing snow down my neck. One thing and one thing alone kept me going: I needed bourbon.

Mother nature seldom shows mercy. She can come for anyone at any time. That is why you must always be prepared to survive when something bad comes your way. I consider myself something of a survivalist, though you wouldn’t know it by calm demeanor and desk job lifestyle. But when it comes to survival, I’m the kind of guy you want to have around.

This weekend, much of the East Coast was hit by a snow storm. This includes the greater Washington, D.C. area, where I live, only here they called it a blizzard. It ended up being one of the worst storm’s in the area’s history–well of the last 100 years, and even then, it came in as like third or fourth worst. Still, it was intense, man. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Drunkard vs. Wild

Maybe he can face some theoretical jail time?

Let’s be honest here, people: there should probably be some technical terms for multiple levels of stupid. For now I’ll just make some up: if you have to gauge the actions of the guy in this story and your choices are A Little Slow, Stone Cold Stupid, Colossal Moron and Drooling Vegetable, it would fall somewhere between the third and the fourth. What happened here is that an eighteen year old Johnson County, Indiana resident decided to announce he was planning to hijack a plane. While playing World of Warcraft. Remember, geeks do their crimes online.

It’s been reported that the teen was playing the game yesterday morning when he announced that he

“was going to board a plane at 7:30 to Chicago and that (he) was going to try and kill as many Americans as possible”.

Which totally doesn’t imply suicide at all, moron.

A facilitator from an online gaming center reported the kid after hearing him repeat himself a few times. When confronted, the teen at first said that someone hacked into his computer, then backpedaled and said he was just kidding around. How humbling it must be to have your e-penis so swiftly and suddenly confiscated!

A rep from Blizzard who had gone over the chat logs said they seemed very serious and not like a joke at all. In the meantime, the teen’s computer has been seized by the FBI, who are looking further into the case. Charges could possibly be filed with the U.S. Attorney’s office, but it hasn’t gone that far yet. I bet he’s not allowed to play WoW anymore, which could possibly be the end of his world.

Take it from Snee: Decadence is the problem

I pass at least three of these a day in my Toyota Tacoma.

You ever notice how marketers get hooked on words or spellings? Like how everything got a “2000” after it in the ’90s to make it sound futuristic? Or anything beginning with “ex” was spelled with an “X” to remind you of snowboarders skydiving into a live volcano?

If Lever 2000, which is just f##king soap, and the X-wife that took one of your testicles in your divorce taught you anything, it’s that Madison Avenue is lined with useless professionals. By “useless professional,” I mean someone who wears a tie to an office where they produce nothing but email and post-lunch dumps.

This group, more than any, causes me to look at the English language and evaluate which words have been abused and twisted to the point that they no longer have meaning. I’ve termed this, “cleaning out the language gutters,” in the same spirit that Brazilians used to burn street orphans to “end poverty.”

(I may not actually solve problems with the English language, but at least I won’t have to look at the word anymore and think, “Why? Why didn’t I do something?!”)

This week, I’m looking at the latest word to have been chewed up by some undergrad yuppie and spit into our living rooms: decadence. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Decadence is the problem

Protip: Threatening suicide can get you arrested

Especially if you’re only rocking a Vorpal Blade of +5 constitution.

A teenager in Middletown, Ohio, learned that threatening to commit suicide while in a chat during a session of World of Warcraft can get you arrested. While talking with a Blizzard rep in-game, he made a phony threat, to which the rep quickly phoned in the faux call for help to police. The unnamed teen was promptly arrested on misdemeanor charges.

He was quoted as claiming, “The game is the only thing [I have] to live for.”

Seriously, WoW players? You make it far easier than I’d ever believe most of the time.

Does studying not get a shortcut command?

Oh, WoW. Your players never fail to amaze us.

Federal Communications Commissioner Deborah Taylor Tate claims that World of Warcraft and other online games are directly responsible for students dropping out altogether. In a speech to the Practicing Law Institute last week she cited a recent FCC survey,

“With the explosion of educational resources available online, one might think parents would be 100% pleased with the Internet’s role in their children’s lives, but surveys show just the opposite: a late 2006 survey that showed 59% of parents think the Internet has been a totally positive influence in their children’s lives– down from 67% in 2004.You might find it alarming that one of the top reasons for college drop-outs in the U.S. is online gaming addiction – such as World of Warcraft – which is played by 11 million individuals worldwide”

Tate provides no real evidence of her claim, but we’ve also seen what happens to people who let their lives be dominated by an MMO’s wily charms. While it’s hard to believe that huge swathes of people are dropping out purely to play Warcraft, it wouldn’t be too far-fetched to think that it had a hand in a few educations getting flushed away. As always, however, this is less Blizzard’s fault and more the fault of whoever made the decision to let a computer game control them.

Though, just to be on the safe side, we’ll make the illogical jump to a conclusion that Blizzard Studios is NOT a real American hero. Because someone has to be the first to do so.