The ooze is coming, and no one is safe

Bad news, folks. There’s a rather large blob of goo floating around in the Chukchi Sea right now. We don’t know what it is or what it wants. We know it’s big, we know it’s alive and we know that it’s floating with the current. The U.S. Coast Guard has made attempts to establish contact on hailing frequencies, but so far, the goo has not responded.

But, there’s good news: most people don’t know where the Chukchi Sea is, or that there is one on the planet in the first place. So if you don’t know where it is, that is strong evidence that it doesn’t exist, right?

It’s off the coast of Alaska, like way up there. So even if the blob does make landfall, it will have to travel miles and miles and miles before it will be able to attack humans.