Take it from Snee: Women see mysteriously

Women are a mystery that have perplexed great minds, from Steven Hawking to male Congressmen and, finally, myself. I’ve spent the better part of a year trying to get down to the bottom of the Other Gender (without implying that they’re fat). And, every time I think I’ve got them just about figured out, another question comes up.

So, it’s once more unto the breach, my friends. That is, until that breach secretes hormones to shut us down. Welcome to part three of “Women are Mysterious,” in which I take into account new scientific research that indicates that women even see differently from men …  Continue reading Take it from Snee: Women see mysteriously

Take it from Snee: Be very afraid

When I read that a dead body had been found in one of the Los Angeles International Airports’ bathrooms, I said, “Thank God.”

What? That’s not good news? How do you figure?

I didn’t hear any of what you just said because this is text on your computer screen, but I will tell you why I feel better knowing that there was a corpse in the bathroom of a heavily trafficked public area: he made it.

What I mean is that, when I die, my body will release whatever waste is inside of it. I always figured that meant I was guaranteed to soil my pants, bed or coat closet. But, this guy made it to the bathroom before it could happen. I could make it too.

So, that’s one fear allayed of many. Let’s take a look at some of the others. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Be very afraid

Naked women are the new sexy

Much like Larry Craig at a gentleman’s club, we get that Fox News is trying hard to look like it cares about women. If you were a network that hires cheerleaders to support an anti-abortion, it’s-only-sexist-if-it’s-about-Sarah-Palin narrative, you’d worry about the average empty-nester switching channels to her stories, too.

But, there’s trying, and then there’s trying too hard. Case in point: “Voluptuous Is The New Black!” (Exclamation theirs.)

Look, Fox. Christina Hendricks? Yes, she’s hot. Other voluptuous women? Many of them are hot, too, and some of them are fat. But, are skinny women out? No. Like voluptuous women, some are hot, and some are coat racks. And some women in both categories? Ugly, with very little to do with the body.

Basically, here’s the code to understanding what’s attractive to men: if we want to see her naked, she’s in the Attractive Women’s Club.

(Special thanks to James.)

Another reason to keep your corpse at home

From this month's issue of Home Decorpse! AH-HAHAHAhahaha ...Another cemetery scandal has been unearthed (ha!), this time near Chicago, Illinois. Police are accusing some unnamed workers of digging up over 300 bodies in graves nobody visited, dumping the remains and reselling the plots for personal profit.

It’s ghoulish, but what’s the point? Sure, there’s the aspect where the business end was cheating the owners out of their coinage, but did it matter where these dead people were forgotten? Family members weren’t reporting the disappearances, history didn’t care about them … who cares if they become bean-bag chair filler?

(In fact, what may be the few undisturbed graves were those of African-American civil rights pioneers: people who won’t be forgotten for some time.)

So, let’s save the outrage, and maybe reevaluate our country’s obsession with immortalization after death. It’s–clearly–not immortal, and you ain’t no pharaoh. Or, if you’re really worried, keep your dead at home.

Priorities: Important in headlines

Hey, maybe the killer installed XM! That would save her so much money.

Good News: The murdered body of an accounting student slain in 1997 was found.

Bad News: Her 1993 Honda Civic CRX Del Sol is still missing.

C’mon, people. We’re talking about one seriously sweet/slightly-waterlogged ride here. It’s not just a convertible; the roof actually comes off and fits in the trunk as a single panel!

Still not convinced to scour the Ohio River? It’s black, so it won’t show dirt.

Update: Georgia to plagiarize killer professor’s grave

As we reported earlier this week, police found the corpse of George Zinkhan in a grave he dug and covered with brush before shooting himself.

While most believe it was suicide after killing his wife and two of her theater associates, there’s also the less popular (or, our) theory that he was making his own tiger trap.

Now state and local officials have almost reached an impass about what to do with his body. Zinkhan’s family hasn’t claimed his body despite repeated calls, and after a certain point, even the morgue decides a body stinks too much.

So, unless somebody steps forward, he’ll be reburied in a “pauper’s grave,” begging the question: and they dug him up why?

Take it from Snee: Let’s talk about death, baby

Between posts about drunken superheroes and Star Trek, I’ve allowed “Take it from Snee” to devolve into a frivolous, silly column. This is not good and must be remedied.

After all, it’s featured on a Web site called SeriouslyGuys — not Whimsically nor Fancy-Freeily, but Seriously. That is why I’ve decided to look at a very serious topic that deserves a straightforward, intellectual examination: what happens when we die.

It’s an important topic because, unless you’re one of the many bots trying to spam this site with porn, you are going to die. Worse yet, everyone who has died has refused to come back …. Well, there was this one guy, but we’re still arguing about what he saw.

So, I know you’re afraid of dying and the unknown, and that’s why you can take it from Snee that this is exactly what happens when you die. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Let’s talk about death, baby