You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

It's how I do my thinking.
It’s how I do my thinking.

Oh, hello there. I’m just here sitting back in my smoking jacket and enjoying a nice whiskey on the rocks (my third). You know, I’ve been thinking a lot about 2012. It really sucked, didn’t it? Stop and think about it for a minute, did anything good happen this year to anyone but Psy? Not really. However, it certainly was a wild, memorable ride. Perhaps it was the looming threat of the end of the world. It could be the heavy buzz I’ve got going, but I feel like looking back on the biggest stories of this year. Grab a drink and join me, won’t you?

January:

Swingin’ Gingrich
Marianne Gingrich made her ex-husband, Newt, look even worse by dropping the bombshell that he wanted to have an open marriage. Apparently this is worse than asking your wife for a divorce when she’s recovering from cancer treatments in the hospital. Mitt Romney didn’t see what the big deal is–you can have more than one wife, right?

Also, they battle Hitler
In a story that can only end well, scientists in New York made “supersoldier” ants. I’m not really sure why this was so important to do, but now there are ants with really large heads. Their heads are so large that they are able to block the entrances to their nest when it comes under attack. Also, they do this really cool shield-throwing trick.

Equal time rule
A year away from inauguration day, and President Barack Obama was out on the campaign trail. He was raising funds, and he’d do just about anything for your money. At The Apollo, he noted that Rev. Al Green was in the audience, and did his own version of “Let’s Stay Together,” well a few bars of it, anyway. And he’s got the chops for it, too. The American public got to hear his pipes more along the campaign trail when he sang “Red Solo Cup” in Missouri. Continue reading You Missed It: End of 2012 edition

Landing strip: Still legal in 39 states

Jerseyites, which is what we call people from (New) Jersey, can breathe a sigh of relief this morning. Then again, they might do well to just hold in that breath because some hot wax is about to get ripped off of their genitals.

The New Jersey State Board Cosmetology and Hairstyling Board (yes, it is a real state agency) has nixed its proposed ban of bikini waxing within the state. Why would they consider such a thing? Because two people ended up getting some nasty infections (we assume on their lady parts, which are prone to infections anyway) after having the wax job done.

Because two people ended up with infections possibly because of the procedure, they wanted to ban it, which makes sense because we all know you can never get an infection from a cut, much less one from a razor you use to remove hair from the location of your choosing.

Fun fact: “Technically, genital waxing has never been allowed in New Jersey — only the face, neck, abdomen, legs and arms are permitted. But because bare-it-all ‘Brazilians’ weren’t specifically banned, state regulators didn’t enforce the law.”

Which begs the question, how would they inforce it in the first place. (“Put the wax down and step away from the crotch! We have you surrounded!”)