Sarah Palin wants to assure you all that she is not sick or anorexic like one of those pitbulls in the Sarah McLachlan ads. She is merely writing a fitness book.
The beauty of the former governor’s fitness plan is that you only have to do half the workout before quitting your gym.
Say you’ve spent your life breaking into people’s houses and stealing stuff. You haven’t been caught so far, so it makes sense that you’d want to continue keeping a low profile, right? So you would avoid, say, publishing a book about your techniques and heists. Oh wait, you just wrote such a book and had it published? Crap.
That’s pretty much what Hajime Karasuyama (pen name) has done. Occupation, Thief; Annual Income, 30 million yen, the book, gives tips on how to commit burglaries from a “gentleman cat burglar.” The author claims that he has developed the ability to know where a house’s occupants have hidden money and valuables.
Some of the content includes tips for gaining access to a locked house silently and efficiently without leaving traces. Karasuyama recommends hybrid cars due to their quieter sound, and once you’re at the door, a jeweler’s magnifying glass will reverse the view of a peephole.
It’s hard to imagine people being okay with a book promoting burglary, but it’s apparently flying off the shelves. Now, will someone explain to me why we don’t use the word “burgle” in our social lexicon anymore?
The lawsuit by the Tolkien family over profits from New Line Cinema’s Lord of the Rings movies has been settled!
Warner Bros., the new owners of New Line, wisely ditched New Line’s original “Go f@%k yourself, Christopher” defense and will pay the author’s family.
Being British, the family apologized for doing something assertive (since colonization), regretting “that legal action was necessary, but are glad that this dispute has been settled on satisfactory terms.” (“Satisfactory terms!” They even sound like hobbits!)
So, that’s good news for the fans and great news for the rest of us, who were worried that we’d have to actually pick up a book about elves and read it.
Welcome to the end of May. Coincidentally, it also happens to be yours truly’s birthday. Please, hold your applause. If you were busy landing on another planet this week, odds are you missed it.
Balloon designed to float really high does so
French skydiver Michael Fournier was probably a little frustrated when he watched his balloon float away with his hopes of breaking a record on Tuesday. He had planned to break the world record for highest skydive, but then the balloon came untethered and floated away accidentally before Fournier could even get in, much less jump. France promptly surrendered.
Pressed secretary
Former Bush Press Secretary Scott McClellan released a book this week that raised some eyebrows in Washington. McClellan said national security advisers in the Bush administration served the president very poorly leading up to and going into the war in Iraq. He charges the administration of spinning important intelligence and intentionally leaking classified information. These and other revelations can be found in McClellan’s book, Things I Probably Should Have Told You Five Years Ago.
‘Nsync creator now ‘Njail
Ron Perlman, former manager of 90s boy bands ‘Nsync and the Backstreet Boys, was sentenced to 25 years in a federal prison, after being convicted of conspiracy, money laundering and other charges. Prosecutors said he swindled more than $200 million from investors through his business, which began in the 80s. Noticeably missing from the list of charges: crimes against humanity for getting those stupid songs stuck in our heads for years.
Undiscovered tribe found in Brazil
An “uncontacted tribe” was found and photographed by helicopter in a remote part of the Amazon rain forest. The Indians are pictured looking in confusion at the aircraft and even pointing bows and arrows at it. A nonprofit group said there are around 100 uncontacted tribes worldwide. The photographers celebrated the find by dropping iPhones, teen magazines and smallpox down to the natives.
