Here’s a sign I’m no longer a kid: I’m not really that excited about the launch of the Playstation 4 and Xbox One. I really like my Xbox 360, and my Xbox before that. I got a lot of use out of them, though these days I seem to use my console more for Netflix than playing games. But I really don’t feel the need to rush out and get one of the new consoles. I will eventually upgrade, of course, but I’m pretty sure I’ll be fine for another year or so, when the prices drop a couple hundred dollars. What happened to me? I used to be cool. I used to save up my money so I could get a new system and play all the newest games. I used to be someone, now I just have bills. If you were busy trying to fix the Obamacare website this week, odds are you missed it.
The joke only he gets
This week, Michael Kaufman, brother of Andy, the famous and weird comedian, said that he believed his brother had faked his own death, and is somewhere alive today. He said he had a letter from Kaufman written years after his death, and a woman who claimed to be his daughter, born after he died. Days later, Michael said he no longer believed that his brother was alive, and that it was all a hoax. This could be the last time in history that a false rumor this big did not start on Twitter.
He’s a well-fed man
Toronto Mayor Rob Ford somehow managed to top his performance last week. He put down his crack pipe and admitted in various interviews and public statements that he purchased illegal drugs while in office, and denied that an “escort” he was seen with was anything other than a family friend. He even yelled sexual obscenities at to the media during a live press conference. Let’s just say he denied allegations that he was hungry. Does Ford have a new album dropping soon or something?
The next time you’re at a library, wear protection. Two Belgian professors decided to run toxicology tests on the 10 most popular books at their local library. They found that Fifty Shades of Grey had traces of the herpes virus on it, though not enough for someone to catch it. They also found that all 10 books tested positive for cocaine. In fact, there was so much cocaine that readers might be able to feel the effects through contact with the books. Rob Ford is an avid reader.
Strangely enough, the books seem to be written by conservatives, about Texans who are sick of a liberal administration, so they decide to call it quits. But the authors totally don’t support secession, guys. This is totally different. It’s about a once-independent state’s free spirit.
Sure, Texas was an independent republic in before joining the Union in 1845, but it wasn’t the first. Vermont was its own country from 1777 to until it became part of the U.S. in 1791. It seems Texas is behind the times again. Secessionist fiction? That’s so 1987.
It makes Collectible Spoons of the Third Reich look like Afterthoughts of a Worm Hunter. If you’re looking for some fun reading now that the weather is improving, I highly suggest it. After I’m done reading, I’m going to have to come up with a cooler title for my own book.
We didn’t read the Audacity of Hope by Barack Obama or Going Rogue by Sarah Palin. You know why?Because they just reached the point where their lives have received notice, deserved or otherwise.
Sure, autobiographies have to be written within a person’s lifetime, so there’s obviously some time for an update, but:
Who cares how you got into the career you enjoy, especially politics?
Can’t it wait until you’ve accomplished something other than win (or lose, in Palin’s case) an election? Or are these the new Nobel Peace Prizes?
Proving that no politician who makes the news is above this trend, nor are the idiots that eat these books up, newly-elected U.S. Senator Scott Brown (R-Mass.) has started shopping his life story out to publishers.
While I’m certainly glad to see more people writing thanks to the advent of blogging, twittering and other terms that were previously symptoms of pleurisy; whereas I am also elated to say goodbye to the biggest waste of a decade since the 1460s (was there any good music that decade?); and because I look forward to the Twenty-Ten future, I am officially sick of all retrospectives about this and any other decade from here on out.
To make sure one is never written again, I’ve done you all a favor and written and all-encompassing one that should work for the next hundred years.* Don’t think I’ve left out names to be vaguely correct: in 10 years’ time, you’ll have forgotten most of the “important” people of this past decade, too.
*If this template still applies after 100 years, you’re on your own because I should be dead. Hopefully of something awesome like breastclimbing or mesotheligladiator fights.
Book publishers have finally found their new Harry Potter to sell what children’s literature pedlars call “a f#$kton of books”: 44th President of the United States, Barack Obama. In fact, they started publishing the books before he was even elected.
So far, they’ve been biographies, including:
Barack Obama: Son of Promise, Child of Hope by Nikki Grimes
Barack by Jonah Winter
Yes We Can by Garen Thomas
Change Has Come: An Artist Celebrates Our American Spirit, a collection of black-and-white drawings by Kadir Nelson (Why do the pictures have to be black and white, Kadir?)
To put this in perspective, the linked article only mentions one book about John McCain, and his daughter wrote it. (Nepotism?)
Of course, once kids are tired of the biographical route, we’re sure some more interesting books will follow this refreshing new character.