Alcohol trade group wants to legalize it, man

There was a time when the alcohol industry wanted nothing to do with marijuana. It didn’t want to be associated with illegal drug use. Apparently times have changed. Pass me a cabernet sauvignon, dude.

Last week, the Wine and Spirits Wholesalers of America, put out a statement supporting states’ efforts to decriminalize and legalize the recreational use of pot. This is not a small thing, because the group represents 80% of all wine and liquor wholesale distributors. If you drank something other than beer over the weekend, it probably came from these guys.

All this is great news for those stoner girls you knew in college who wanted a marriage of weed and wine in a single glass.

Now we’re letting animals choose our beer for us

The U.S. craft beer market is pretty well saturated, and it’s no secret that this is forcing breweries to do some stunts to get attention from the public. But this (and sparkle beer) is where we draw the line.

A brewery in Los Angeles will soon introduce a beer whose ingredients were picked out by a bear. We’ve gotten to the point that we need animals to select what kind of beer we’re going to drink.

Earlier this month, Simmzy’s brewery placed several different ingredients near a bear at the L.A. Zoo. The bear chose hibiscus flower and honey. And so the bear’s honey-hibiscus beer will be available next month as part of a beer fundraiser.

Maybe Japanese brewers can have their psychic octopus pick beer ingredients. Oh wait.

Drunk seagulls terrorize British beachgoers

Another summer, another assault on Britons by aggressive and unruly seagulls. This year, they’re getting drunk and rowdy.

In South West England, seagulls are getting drunk off of half-full (or half-empty) alcoholic drinks that people abandon on the beach. Which is concerning first, because if you can’t finish a drink, you shouldn’t order it in the first place, Nigel.

These drunken seagulls caw loudly, and probably say some crude stuff to women on the boardwalk. Firefighters were called when one seagull fell off of a roof and was too drunk to fly. The bird then threw up on a firefighter.

The seagull and two of his friends were taken in to the drunk tank.

Coming soon to N.Y.: Beer floats

Summer is most decidedly here. And the residents of New York may soon have a new way to cool off this summer, if the state government gets its act together.

The New York state Senate recently passed a bill that would allow the sale of beer or hard cider with ice cream. This dream come true now heads to the state Assembly, where many thirsty onlookers believe it will pass. Apparently the state already allows wine and ice cream to be sold together, but that sounds gross.

If selling ice cream and beer becomes law, that means New Yorkers are that much closer to buying a Jack and Coke float. Dare to believe.

Australians drink Russian town dry

The World Cup has begun — at least that’s what we’ve been told. And host nation Russia is under an invasion from drunken Australians. After watching just one match for their home country, the Aussies drank the bars dry.

A large number of Australians traveled to Kazan, Russia, where the Australians played their first match. The relatively small town was swamped with Aussie soccer fans, who drank well into the morning, despite their team losing. In fact, they drank at least two bars completely out of beer.

Whether Australia makes it to the finals, the nation is already one of heroes.

Truck spills booze, luckily it was only Fireball

Speaking of Fireball, who’s ready for a good truck spill story? We know Mr. Worldwide is.

In Arkansas, Interstate 40 was backed up because two trucks collided. One caught on fire, the other spilled a whole bunch of Fireball “whiskey” on the road. The westbound lanes of the highway were covered in miniature bottles of Fireball, which probably made the scene of the accident smell like a 13-year-old boy who just discovered Axe.

The drivers were not seriously injured, although many onlookers complained of a burning mouth.

Bourbon brewed with beaver butts

We go pretty hard on beer for being made with weird stuff these days, but generally, new ingredients make beer good. The same cannot be said for liquor. Anyone who isn’t in college and takes a sip of one of those sugary flavored liquors can tell you that.

So how about a nice bourbon made with the secretions from a beaver’s anus? Tamworth Distilling is releasing Eau De Musc, a bourbon with castoreum, which is a natural flavoring. It also comes from grands located on a beaver’s butt.

Well, it’s still better than Fireball.

City wants to force sobriety during hurricanes

When a storm hits, it’s time to crack one open, but that won’t be the case any longer for one Florida city.

Cape Coral, Florida has passed an ordinance banning the sale of beer during a state of emergency. The iron hand of the city wants to keep people off the roads during a hurricane, especially when it comes to making a beer run. The city has already had the ability to ban the sales of other kinds of booze, but beer was still allowed — until now that is.

So start making your hurricane preparedness kit now. You don’t want to be caught sober when the storm moves in.

Drunken mountain climbing is the hot new trend

The best part about a vacation is that you get to travel to a new place and drink there. The only down side is that if you get drunk, you may not find your way home. But that’s just part of the adventure, isn’t it?

An Estonian man on vacation in the Italian Alps got drunk and thought he was heading back to his hotel, but ended up hiking halfway up a mountain. According to reports, the drunk man took a wrong turn and headed up a hiking path, and was forced to break into a bar (divine providence!) to stay warm for the night.

He was found by bar staff the next morning with a great drinking story.

All the cool beer geeks are drinking dairy waste now

If there’s one thing we’ve proven here over the years it’s that we should not be considered a trusted news source. If there are two things that we’ve proven here, the second would be that beer is basically a miracle drink. But watch out, craft beer fans, we hear that dairy waste is the hot new trend.

Researchers at Cornell are brewing up an alcoholic beverage made from dairy waste — you know, appetizing stuff like that watery stuff at the top of your yogurt when you open it up. Who doesn’t love drinking that? Now you can drink it and get a buzz off of it.

The thinking is that if dairy waste can be turned into a marketable product, it will make the dairy industry that much cleaner and profitable.

Or you could just drink that month-old milk in your fridge. Probably some kind of fermentation in there, too.