Is there booze in your chicken nuggets?

Chicken nuggets are the food of choice for small child and lazy bachelor alike. They provide just enough meat under all that breading to make us feel like we’re eating something of substance. But in light of Subway’s chicken only being half chicken, are we sure that our chicken is really chicken?

In Michigan, a county commissioner blamed chicken nuggets for his DUI arrest. According to authorities, Montcalm County Commissioner Jeremy Miller was pulled over for speeding, and tested for a 0.14 BAC. When he was arrested for driving under the influence, he said it was “because I was being stupid, those damn chicken nuggets.”

This begs the question, what if there really was booze in the man’s chicken nuggets? Where can you order these things? Can you make them at home, like you inject vodka into watermelons? The world must know.

Science: Booze is booze is booze

If you see a difference between these drinks, you’re biased.

It’s Valentine’s Day, and whether that means you’re drinking wine with your lover, or pounding cheap whiskey mixed with tears because you’re alone, your body treats it all the same.

According to researchers, your body can’t tell the difference between the alcohol in one drink from another. Which means if tequila makes your clothes fall off, the same amount of alcohol from hard cider will, too. The real factor is how much alcohol is in your drink, and how much alcohol is going into your system.

So don’t worry about buying the good stuff. Once it’s past your tongue, your body doesn’t know if it’s rotgut or septuple-distilled vodka.

 

Science: Only hack-proof security is being drunk

It seems like every day we hear about another major hacking, leading to exposed private information, draining of bank accounts, even the election of Donald Trump. It seems as if there’s nothing secure anymore. Turns out, the ultimate security device is in your liquor cabinet.

There is talk that the next big thing in security will be your own brainwaves. Devices will be able to read your unique brainwaves and know that it’s you. Say you have a brainwave lock on your house. The obvious flaw here is that all someone has to do is force you to be near your place in order to unlock it. The only way to keep that from happening is to alter your brainwaves, namely, by getting drunk. Researchers have found that substances like alcohol, as well as drugs, but mostly alcohol, alter your brain waves to such a degree that you would not be able to unlock your devices.

Your drunk brain is completely unhackable.

Whiskey-flavored coffee is made for people who have given up on life

The Guys are big fans of coffee and whiskey. And if you read this blog, there’s a decent chance you like them, too. You may even like putting whiskey in your coffee. Now you can enjoy the taste of both without having to mix them yourself.

Jack Daniel’s flavored coffee is now a real thing. The famous distiller teamed up with World of Coffee, which we assume does coffee stuff, to bring us Jack Daniel’s Tennessee Whiskey Coffee. There’s no alcohol in it. It’s all of the fun of drinking coffee with some hootch in it, without the shame of drinking it at work. This seems like the perfect gift for the alcoholic in your life who’s trying to cut back.

There’s even a decaffeinated version, in case you don’t want to have any fun in life, you just want to your tastebuds to think that you’re cool.

Craft beer’s war isn’t with Bud, it’s with bud

Washington state, Oregon and Colorado are home to some of the finest craft breweries in the country, but beer isn’t selling like it used to in those states, thanks to marijuana.

According to a new report, residents in those states are increasingly choosing weed over suds. Legalized marijuana has allowed more choices for those who want a buzz, which means people aren’t picking up as much craft beer as they used to. Data shows that beer sales haven’t matched expectations in the past two years, meanwhile, marijuana sales are high. (GET IT?)

But all this really means is that the brewery that makes a smokable beer will be  very rich.

Your pets are swiping your booze, vets say

If you pour a glass of something, make sure you finish it. It’s common decency, and it could save a life, according to vets in the U.K.

There are awful people out there who don’t finish the drink you made for them, and your dogs are literally booze hounds. Vets say that pets are more likely to get alcohol poisoning this time of year by drinking unattended or abandoned drinks at parties you host. So make sure your guests gulp down every last sip before you allow them to leave.

Also, teach your dogs and cats that they are not allowed to drink until they are 21 human years old.

Weekend science: Drink before you smoke

Everyone knows that smoking is bad. Many people know that drinking and smoking is fun, but we now know that drinking when smoking can be good for you.

According to a published scientific study that has no chance of ever being pulled or refuted, if you drink a couple glasses of red wine before lighting up, you may block some of the damage from tobacco smoking. Turns out, red wine’s benefits on your cardiovascular system can block the short-term negative effects that cigarette in your hand will have on your arteries.

So smoke ’em if you got ’em, but knock a couple back first. We may be enablers, but we don’t want you to die.

Drink to heart health

Not that you needed another reason to drink, but here’s another study that said it’s good for you.

According to a Penn State study of 80,000 adults, a beer a day could keep the cardiologist away. Men who had one to two drinks a day, and women who had one daily, generally had a slower natural decline in “good” cholesterol, also known as high-density lipoprotein. That means a lower risk of cardiovascular disease or stroke. Researchers noted that the benefits of drinking different forms of alcohol each had benefits, but beer was the best.

These benefits didn’t apply to drinking higher amounts of alcohol, but you’ve stopped reading by now anyway.

Aussie brewers recreate shipwreck beer in time for weekend

What’s better than booze? Shipwreck booze. But that’s really hard to come by for your average Joe. The next best thing is modern booze made to replicate shipwreck booze.

In 1797, the Sydney Cove, a British trading ship, was run aground on an island near Tasmania during a storm. The wreck survived the centuries, and so did its cargo, which included some beer. Now, Australian brewers have made a beer from yeast found in bottles that were on the Sydney Cove.

So if you happen to be in Australia, you can do what the crew likely did during that storm, and slam some brews like there’s no tomorrow.

Pyongyang is getting blacked out this weekend

If you happen to be in Pyongyang, North Korea right now–in which case, you’re not able to access this site anyway–stop what you’re doing and go buy some beer.

Recently, booze enthusiast and dictator Kim Jong-un held a beer festival in the North Korean capital. The problem is that the organizers overestimated how much Kim’s friends would drink during the event and ended up with a surplus. So the rest is being sold at half price while supplies last.

This is great news, because while North Koreans are starving, they can now afford some liquid bread.