Not that you needed another reason to drink, but here’s another study that said it’s good for you.
According to a Penn State study of 80,000 adults, a beer a day could keep the cardiologist away. Men who had one to two drinks a day, and women who had one daily, generally had a slower natural decline in “good” cholesterol, also known as high-density lipoprotein. That means a lower risk of cardiovascular disease or stroke. Researchers noted that the benefits of drinking different forms of alcohol each had benefits, but beer was the best.
These benefits didn’t apply to drinking higher amounts of alcohol, but you’ve stopped reading by now anyway.
What’s better than booze? Shipwreck booze. But that’s really hard to come by for your average Joe. The next best thing is modern booze made to replicate shipwreck booze.
In 1797, the Sydney Cove, a British trading ship, was run aground on an island near Tasmania during a storm. The wreck survived the centuries, and so did its cargo, which included some beer. Now, Australian brewers have made a beer from yeast found in bottles that were on the Sydney Cove.
So if you happen to be in Australia, you can do what the crew likely did during that storm, and slam some brews like there’s no tomorrow.
If you happen to be in Pyongyang, North Korea right now–in which case, you’re not able to access this site anyway–stop what you’re doing and go buy some beer.
Recently, booze enthusiast and dictator Kim Jong-un held a beer festival in the North Korean capital. The problem is that the organizers overestimated how much Kim’s friends would drink during the event and ended up with a surplus. So the rest is being sold at half price while supplies last.
This is great news, because while North Koreans are starving, they can now afford some liquid bread.
As with most things in life, watching sports is better with alcohol. It turns out that here in America, if you’re watching a game, you’re probably drunk.
According to a recent poll of Americans who drink, almost no one watches sports without a buzz. Leading the way are football and baseball, with 84% and 78% saying they associate those sports with alcohol, respectively. These are followed by car racing, hockey, horse racing, basketball and boxing. The soberest sports out there, with less than half the respondents associating them with booze, are golf, soccer, beach volleyball and tennis. So basically, the sports people don’t watch anyway.
Now you have actual data to convince the bartender to turn off the Premier League.
As if 2016 wasn’t bad enough, it looks like we’re going to be short on wine this year.
It’s been a bad growing season for vineyards around the world. Harvests in South America and France are both down because of weather. That means there will be 5% less wine made this year, which also means that 5% of wine drinkers are going to have to forgo wine this year.
You can always switch to bourbon. Oh wait.
There are people who don’t believe in science, much less global warming. Perhaps they can be persuaded by learning that we can fight global warming and get drunk at the same time.
A group of scientists at the Energy Department’s Oak Ridge National Laboratory in Tennessee (your tax dollars at work!) have accidentally figured out how to turn carbon dioxide into ethanol. Carbon dioxide is a greenhouse gas, it’s the “carbon” in “carbon emissions.” Ethanol is the sciencey word for alcohol–you know, hootch. Of course, these eggheads see their discovery as a way to create cleaner burning fuel for our cars. But what it can really be used for is drinking. Cars emit all sorts of pollution and greenhouse gases. Drunk people don’t, unless you count beer farts.
Let’s save the planet by turning CO2 into booze. That’s a solution we can all drink to.
The guys are all about fighting The Man, unless it’s us, and we’re also no strangers to bourbon. That’s why we’re in a tough spot on this one.
Workers at the two Jim Beam distilleries are set to go on strike, which means we could be facing a shortage of the famed bourbon. The union rejected a new contract, and some say the workers are timing the strike for the fall and winter, as production usually ramps up from the slower summer months. For you, this means there could be a shortage of Jim Beam.
So run out and buy a case or two. Or switch to Jack Daniel’s.
Is your home safe from intruders? You may have locks, you may have an alarm system, you may even have a gun, but you’re not really safe unless you have a case of beer in the house.
An Oregon father and his teenage son fought and detained a home intruder who may have been on drugs. Their secret weapon was a case of beer and a power tool. According to authorities, the father and son caught a man breaking into their house, and were forced to fight him when he became violent. During the scuffle, the son was able to smash cases of beer and a power grinder (items not usually used together) over the suspect’s head.
Keep your family safe. Buy a case of beer today.
Did you enjoy a nice, hot cup of coffee this morning? Are you looking forward to having a gin and tonic at happy hour this afternoon? Congratulations, you’re probably a psychopath.
A recent study has found that people who say they enjoy coffee, or gin and tonic, are more likely to have characteristics of psychopathy. Basically, coffee and G&Ts are the drinks of psychos. If you like those drinks, it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a psycho yourself, but it might.
But if you like coffee in your gin and tonic, you’re a freaking serial killer.
Superhero movies this summer, while mostly disappointing, all dealt with whether vigilantes with superpowers should be held accountable and controlled by society. So it’s fitting that this is now a real-world issue.
In upstate New York, a man in a Batman costume and a Captain America mask stole a couple cases of Budweiser (“America”) from a convenience store. Because when you have a superhero thirst, one case just isn’t going to do it. Was this Batman? Was this Captain America? Or was this a clever commentary on how superhero movies have devolved into two-hour-long beer commercials? Who can save us from this menace?
One thing we do know: the runs won’t just be in the tights.