Tag: boston celtics

Eat My Sports: The running diary that should never have been

Welcome to my latest attempt to hack Bill Simmons’ career.

We’re coming to you live from the Eat My Mansion for the second half of tonight’s Game 6 of the NBA Finals, we would’ve included the first half had government officials not limited us due to costs incurred to clean up after BP.

Tonight we are joined by McBournie (via text), my two cats Despereaux and Bella, and a beverage that I have not yet named involving equal parts of tequila, orange juice and Sprite. Magic Johnson’s halftime gloat fest is over, we now re-join the game.

10:31 pm
As we get ready for the second half, Mark Jackson and Jeff Van Gundy go toe for toe with useless knowledge and jargon with hopes of campaigning for some NBA GM to give them a head coaching position. In total douche factor, I give Jackson the edge.

10:33 pm
McBournie: Anthony Kiedis looks like he’d be more comfortable at a pig roast.
Me: I think Doc Rivers could score the lead in a Ninja Turtles live-action movie.

Honestly, think about it. If you had to cast that movie perfectly, here are your leads:
Leonardo: Doc Rivers
Donatello: Turtle
Raphael: Kobe Bryant
Michaelangelo: Mr. Magoo
Splinter- Susan Sarandon Continue reading Eat My Sports: The running diary that should never have been

Eat My Sports: Mailbag edition

This week could not be limited to one topic. With so much happening in the sports world this past week, how could I let you, my loyal readers, be cheated by anything other than full coverage of this little circus? And by loyal readers, I mean that this week I’m pretending that people actually write me with questions that they want answers. So, if any of you actually read this, this is what you would be asking me this week.

Bryan, your old pal Manny Ramirez was busted for steroids this week. Given your harsh stance on A-Rod, do you feel the same way about Manny, or was it different because he did it for your Sox?
-Tim S, Lansing, Michigan

If you guys should know anything about me now, is that I will not forgive or pardon any steroid user. I’m thankful that what happened with Manny happened in Los Angeles, however, Manny’s namesake is now sullying reputations of guys like David Ortiz and Pedro Martinez simply because of association. And for guys like that who I will always hold a special place for, it’s wrong, but sadly unavoidable.

The main question I’ve been hearing come up is now the Hall of Fame issue. Should these guys be allowed in? And unfortunately I’m going to have to say “yes.” It’s leaking out that so many were doing it that from a media perspective you have to look at it and say that the playing field was to some degree, level. Does it excuse them? No, but people like Ramirez and Rodriguez will forever have their names associated with steroids, which I think in some respects, is punishment enough. (PS, I completely understand Manny’s mood swings now, he was pregnant for almost eight years in Boston, it all makes sense.) Continue reading Eat My Sports: Mailbag edition

You Missed It: Join hands and sing edition

Following a tradition going on for at least 15 years, Thursday was once again followed by Friday. That means we have reached the end of the week once again. If you were busy getting booed by protesters in the U.K., odds are you missed it.

Oui are in control
French President Nicolas Sarkozy announced on Tuesday that France would take a command role in North Atlantic Treaty Organization for the first time in 40 years. France left the command position in the 1960s after policy disagreements with the U.S. The reintroduction of France to NATO command means that the allied countries now have another military option in their repertoire: immediate surrender.

Cease in the Middle East
Israeli and Palestinian forces began a six-month truce this week and guns fell silent for the first time since anyone can clearly remember. The truce has been hailed as a sign of progress with peace efforts in the Middle East. Both sides said they were inspired to agree to a truce after watching You Don’t Mess with the Zohan.

Wait, there aren’t any lakes in L.A.?
After a six games, the Boston Celtics defeated the Los Angeles Lakers to win the (NBA) World Championship. The final game of the series was a blow out, but nonetheless, the postgame interviews were priceless. The best of all was the interview with Kevin Garnett, who told ESPN’s Michelle Tafoya “Michelle, you look great tonight, girl,” in between incoherent answers, shouts into the air and admitting that he is indeed “certifiable.” We are now more afraid of Garnett more than we were of Ron Artest.

Finally, a superhero movie this summer
Will Smith’s latest effort, Hancock, premiered in London earlier this week, but it is not scheduled to be released into theaters until July 2. Not much is known about the plot from the commercials, but SG has learned it is a biopic about founding father John Hancock and is seen as a cinematic response to HBO’s mini-series John Adams. In the movie, Smith portrays Hancock as a black, homeless, drunk superhero who is jaded by society but has the power to sign his name in really large letters.

Eat My Sports: No legitimate Air

The past two months have brought about the best and worst about the NBA. A validation for Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen, Puff pieces about bit players like Sasha Vujacic and Glen Davis, non-stop promotion of 3 Doors Down by ABC ….

But my personal favorite storyline of the playoffs has been the comparisons of Kobe Bryant to Michael Jordan. Questions like: Is Kobe better? Who will be remembered as the greatest player? Will Bryant end up with more championships than Jordan? Is it worse to have a compulsive gambling problem, or have a tarnished image because of rape allegations? Continue reading Eat My Sports: No legitimate Air

Eat My Sports: Boston on parade

Disclaimer: If the Celtics end up losing this series, this is not my fault. I am not a Celtics fan, though I have been a huge Kevin Garnett fan through the years. If the C’s don’t wrap up their first championship in 21 years, you cannot blame me or this column.

Welcome to the NBA Finals! Two games in, two games from proving Kobe Bryant can’t win without Shaq. Aside from the one-sided foul situation (memo to the Lakers: you can’t get a foul called unless you’re attacking the rim, stop whining), Boston has demonstrated everything that is wrong with Los Angeles in eight short quarters. Simply put, there hasn’t been this much of a hype-to-letdown situation since Ang Lee’s putrid portrayal of The Hulk in 2003. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Boston on parade

Eat My Sports: NBA Final Four

Welcome to the final four teams left in the NBA playoffs that is sure to give David Stern nightmares for the next two weeks. But before we delve into the possibility of a Detroit/San Antonio ratings fiasco, I would like to extend a personal congratulations to Jon Lester. After surviving cancer, Lester has come back to win Game 4 of the World Series and last night pitch a no-hitter against the monstrous Kansas City Royals. Jon, the Nation loves you buddy, congrats.

Now, back to the NBA. After a second round that could have led to an NBA Finals featuring LeBron James against Chris “Don’t call me Ringo” Paul, we are left the final four combatants. So, here are my predictions going into the East and West finals. Continue reading Eat My Sports: NBA Final Four

Eat My Sports: MVP talk

So, during our hiatus Kobe “Denver” Bryant received his first Most Valuable Player award. There’s a joke about him being “a family man” and a correlation between what happened in Denver, and the Player part of the award name, but we’re bigger than that. Now correct me if I am wrong, but I’m pretty sure the “V” in MVP stands for valuable, well, Mr. Bryant, if that still is the case, then you, you sir, do not deserve this award. Continue reading Eat My Sports: MVP talk