Scientists have found water on the moon.
Pro: At worst, it probably tastes about as bad as the water that comes out of a drinking fountain.
Con: Spaceman Spiff probably peed in it. Also, if you thought regular bottled water had an exorbitant cost, just wait until you see the price tag for bottled moon water.
A dermatologist in Washington, DC has uncovered the latest threat to women everywhere: water lips. Specifically, Dr. Merliyn Berzin is referring to the lines that appear around your lips after sucking on sporty water bottles, cigarettes or … um, you know … for 30 or more years.
Dr. Berzin noticed more cases showing up now that women in the DC area drink water all day, believing it to be a miracle elixir that sheds excess pounds and hydrates hair, skin and nails. (Yeah, right. Next they’re gonna say we can’t live without water!)
What’s surprising about this story is that the women in the article are only complaining about the lines on their lips. There is another corresponding condition from drinking water all day: toilet-ring butt.
Yes, toilet-ring butt. A condition normally associated with people who eat too much pork is now common with women who drink water all day, every day. Women as young as 30 are showing up to doctors’ offices with bottoms that are normally found on 50-year-old Bears fans who often sit on the can for hours at a time.
There’s one answer to both of these health scourges: put down that water bottle! We hate to repeat ourselves, but you’ve left us no choice.