Sandboxes = very late term abortions

Hey there, parents!

Do you have a lot of money? Do you hate your kids? Could you stomach living in Florida?

Then have we and the Army got a deal for you! For a half-million dollars, you can live within spitting distance of Disney World on a former Army jeep range. Every yard is a dynamite lottery, thanks to undocumented, unexploded ordinance!

Just send your kids outside with a treasure map, and then relive the glory days at nearby Pleasure Island!

And if you’d like to get back down to your “playing weight,” then go for a jog and blow those extra pounds away. Just think of Bouncing Betty as your government-provided hot-blooded trainer.