Take it from Snee: Judge John Hurley, the Mikado

The Mikado in the eponymous Gilbert and Sullivan play sings that, as the most humane Mikado in all of Japanese history, he believes that every punishment should fit its crime. And certainly a no more humane judge did in Florida exist than Judge John Hurley, who recently sentenced a husband in a domestic abuse case to time with his wife.

While a lesser judge might have sentenced Joseph Bray to jail time for, as his wife Sonja described, shoving her to the sofa and grabbing her by the neck, Judge Hurley recognized this the way any Floridian would: a happy birthday chokeslam. (The two were fighting because Joseph failed to wish his wife a happy birthday.)

So, that’s why the judge ruled that they must:

  1. Consume flowers. (That’s why women always need more, right?)
  2. Go to Red Lobster.
  3. Go bowling, a bloodsport that — in my experience — has settled more marriages than any other besides Monopoly.

After all, this whole incident boiled down to what Judge Hurley described as a “very, very minor” example of domestic violence. It’s only assault if it happens in a bar, workplace or anywhere else that isn’t your living room.

Not only do I offer Judge John Hurley my congratulations on a verdict well reached, but I wish him a long and illustrious career over other cases. Cases like: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Judge John Hurley, the Mikado

Wii would like to sentence you

A Florida man whose home was notoriously raided by undercover detectives who stopped to play Wii bowling (who were subsequently sanctioned for their actions) has agreed to a plea bargain that will send him to prison for three years.

Michael Difalco, of Lakeland, Florida was sentenced on Tuesday to three years in the state pen and surrendered a ton of property under civil asset forfeiture laws. He was the drug dealer who caught narcotics detectives on camera playing his Wii, 20 minutes into a raid on his home.

The officers received “retraining” and a letter of reprimand. Though Difalco’s lawyer and other defense attorneys in the area raised objections to the police conduct, the search was not invalidated. DENIED. The worst it got for law enforcement was a viral video of one rather large and in charge detective jumping up and down after nailing two strikes in a row on Wii Sports’ bowling mini-game.

The McBournie Minute: Bowl to the future

Over the weekend I attended a 7-year-old’s birthday party and was surprisingly devoid of alcohol. It had been a while for me since I had gone to any birthday parties that did not involve someone falling asleep on the bathroom floor, so this was a shock to me. Happily, I found that the birthday parties of the younger ones have not really changed since I was that age.

There were still heavily caffeinated sodas for the children, along with snacks and cake. There were presents and balloons. It was at a bowling alley, and there were pop music videos playing on projection screens. During the experience I realized two things:

  1. Kids listen to pop music brought to you by Disney, featuring teen singers/ role models so modestly dressed you can’t even see their 20% of their skin, thus making me feel creepy for the slightest glance.
  2. Federal funding for bowling alleys ran out in 1981.

Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Bowl to the future