Carly Rae Jepsen has backed out of a performance at the Boy Scouts of America National Jamboree.
The singer of summer 2012 annoyance “Call Me Maybe,” and probably some other songs, said she couldn’t perform for the Boy Scouts because of their policy against openly homosexual scouts and leaders.
That the Boy Scouts booked her in the first place, however, proves that they may not have an active policy against closeted members in their ranks.
The Boy Scouts of America have decided to try something new and start reporting their sex offenders to the police. Their previous method mirrored the Catholic Church, which was to
1. Maintain their own private records of sex abuse incidents.
2. Ignore that list and kick out all the gays.
BSA reports that, by turning over criminal justice to the professionals, they’ll be able to concentrate more on identifying atheists by a list of inaccurate stereotypes and purging them from the ranks.
“Figuring out which boys are atheists will be tough, you know, because the uniform coves up their Flying Spaghetti Monster t-shirts and Darwin fish undershorts,” said Chief Scout Executive, Wayne Brock. “Say what you will about the seriousness of child abuse, but at least the pedos got these shy, godless boys to peel off a few layers.”
Gays and lesbians will still not be allowed to join, of course, because Jason Voorhees.
I know, I know. We now live in a country where gay men and women can openly serve in the military, but gays still can’t join the Boy Scouts. To you, it makes no sense. The Boy Scouts are like the military without the threat of imminent death that made homosexuality such a hazard in combat, so what’s the big deal?
The deal is that Boy Scouts may not face threats in the form of IEDs and RPGs, but they are threatened with something just as terrible if not worse. As a former scout, I know that BSA leadership didn’t just make an arbitrary rule because gay sex is icky. It’s just, well, my Scoutmaster made me promise not to talk about it.
Fine, I’ll tell you the real reason why the Boy Scouts upheld their ban on gay scouts and leaders, but you can’t tell anyone. After all, if you can’t trust the Internet to keep a secret, who can you trust? Continue reading Take it from Snee: Boy Scouts’ gay ban protects boys
