Take it from Snee for Christmas, Hanukah, etc.

Halloween is less than a week into the ground, which means that it’s already Christmas in the malls and strip clubs of America. (Sure, they say “holidays,” but the only store with blue lights is K-Mart.) Why do they start so early? Because some people actually buy gifts that early. Crazy, I know?

The rest of us wait until the last minute because, well, giving isn’t about me. The only thing I give on a regular occasion is this column. But, as I mentioned before, I’m trying to be a better person … at least until I get my presents. So, in this vein, I’m trying to say that it is always better to give than receive, even if the other person doesn’t really want it.

What I’m talking about are gifts that make you feel good for giving them, but the receiver never wanted.  Call ‘em gag gifts or messages, who cares? You gave, and now you feel better. Continue reading Take it from Snee for Christmas, Hanukah, etc.

Reason #6: You read this article

Do you *really* want to know why?Listen, single ladies. We know it’s tough out there when you don’t have a man to all marry you and give you socks to clean.

And, speaking as (The) Guys, we don’t make it any easier on you by dumping you. But you’re not going to find the answers by reading articles like these or asking a guy friend* to interpret it for you.

There’s only one reason straight men dump you: we don’t want to hang out with you, watch your TV shows, eat your food, talk to your friends, play with your cats and ride in your car anymore.

Also, there’s never somebody else; there’s everybody else.

There: mystery solved. Now go show your boobs to somebody else.

*Really, just one? What’s his qualification, an PhD in Manwatching? We’re not exactly scientists here, but what if your one male friend is retarded or in love with you and trying to prove it through subtle responses to an article about why jerks dump awesome women?