Wal-Mart fires inept employees?

You wouldn’t know it by walking in one, but Wal-Mart has employment standards. They proved it by firing Joseph Casias, 2008’s Associate of the Year.

How had Casias fallen so far in only a year? Marijuana.

Well, also cancer, living in Michigan and a prescription for marijuana from his doctor.

But still: Joseph Casias is a reefer addict, and The Store That Sam Built can’t abide junkies jeopardizing “the safety of its customers and associates.” (They will continue to sell three-day old hot dogs to stoner customers, however.)

And just in case you aren’t on the exploitative global corporations’ side yet, guess who’s leading the fight against them? The ACLU. We’re not saying you’re wrong for agreeing with the ACLU per se, just that God may not be able to tell the difference when you die.

No brain cancer for you!

By now, you have to have heard the rumors of cell phones giving you brain cancer of the biblical proportions. It’s been the greatest proponent for people telling drivers to not use a cell while driving (well, that and the tried and true “You look like a douchebag!”).

Welllllll, scientists just completed a massive, international study of the connection between brain cancer and mobile phone use, and it looks like those people are gonna have to get a new excuse. Maybe.

The new study, called INTERPHONE, is the largest of its type, and was organized by a division of the World Health Organization. Researchers wanted to find out if there was a link between two common types of brain cancer – glioma and meningioma – and mobile phone use. They studied 2,708 people with glioma, 2,409 with meningioma, and 7,658 people in a control group. Their subjects came from 13 different countries.

Unfortunately, results were both inconclusive and kind of weird. Why? It’s hard to conduct a scientific study that’s based in part on self-reported behaviors. Ultimately though, until researchers are able to get better data, it’s impossible to say whether there is a link between mobile phone use and brain cancer.

Some might say that’s not cause for relief, rather, it’s cause for more research. Those people are to be labeled whiners.