No good breakfast goes unpunished

Alas, another lawless three months of summer have gone and went. School is almost back in session, which means it’s time to remind parents to start raising their kids again.

As your teenagers will need to wake up before the crack of 2 p.m., researchers suggest feeding them a breakfast mixture of protein and fiber–otherwise known as the classic “One-Two Combo” on blenders and toilets. This should energize your future voter and keep them full until lunch.

The link contains recipes, but might we suggest The Guys’ recommend breakfast?

  • Coffee with Bailey’s (caffeine and dairy)
  • Bacon (protein)
  • A cigarette and a newspaper (fiber)

It’s proven to boost standardized test scores by making standardized tests bearable.

Take it from Snee: This just ain’t healthy

So I quit smoking. No, no — please hold your applause until the end.

I’ve always been a pretty healthy guy. I work out. I don’t eat a lot of sugar, salt or arsenic. I only drink on weekends, but I always use that time productively by getting really drunk and designated driving. I don’t always use a condom when I’m treating myself to a prostitute, but I always ask if they have any on them. (If they don’t, it means they’re clean.)

So, I guess it made sense to quit smoking. I mean, why would I otherwise put in all that other effort to stay healthy?

Ah, but then I did some reading. Despite this latest endeavor, I’m still not healthy. Continue reading Take it from Snee: This just ain’t healthy

Your campaign is what you eat?

Cult of personality–a term used when referring to a leader that trades on charisma more than substance. Often, there can be a frenzy around such a person and the media are all too happy to play around, turning it into a firestorm of personality.

Luckily, this blog is not about furthering stuff like that. We are also convinced Americans do not purely follow leaders based on their personalities, just look at our current president. Fortunately, the term does not apply to Sen. Barack Obama, either. No one’s been writing songs about crushes on the married man and certainly no one is putting his breakfast up for auction on eBay.

Wait, that may not be true. Recently, Obama’s half-eaten waffle breakfast that he ordered at a diner in Scranton, Pennsylvania was put up for auction on eBay, sparking an Internet sensation. People are now trying to capitalize on the buzz by selling waffle-related things such as Web site rights and paintings.

The Guys are very serious political analysts, so we are not going to further glorify this story by reporting it or even mentioning it on our blog.