Apparently some Google exec broke the freefall record set by Felix Baumgartner just a couple years ago. He jumped higher than any human has every jumped. Only thing is that it wasn’t sponsored by Red Bull, so no one knew it was going to happen. In that case, what’s the point? Why walk across the Grand Canyon on a wire if no one’s watching? We don’t do stunts for ourselves, we do them for the attention. If you were busy getting your reality show cancelled this week, odds are you missed it.
This week, Queen Elizabeth II sent out her first tweet to open an exhibit at the Science Museum in London. In her tweet, she greeted everyone to the exhibit and expressed her hopes that everyone enjoys it. All of her tweets since then have been nothing but pictures of her grandchildren and conspiracy theories.
The Steve Jobs we deserve
It was announced this week that Christian Bale will play Steve Jobs in yet another movie about the deceased Apple genius of geniuses, directed by Aaron Sorkin. In the announcement, Sorkin said that Bale will “crush” the role of Jobs. Bale said he’s looking forward to the role, as he has a lot of experience playing billionaires who develop their own technology by day, and crush the windpipes of bad guys by night.
After a mother complaints went viral, Toys R Us pulled Breaking Bad action figures from its shelves. In response, actor Aaron Paul criticized the company’s decision, and fans formed a counter-petition to bring the toys back. In other news, thousands of people in Africa are dying from Ebola.
With ads for formal wear and spots about the consequences of drinking and driving, it can only mean that prom season is here once again. Yes, that beloved ritual of looking good but not being allowed to do anything about it is upon the high-schoolers of our great nation. Very soon, parents will be spending way too much for their daughters’ dresses, and boys will send Axe body spray stock prices through the roof.
It’s awkward, it’s gaudy and it tends to go viral several times over lately. I’m here today to put on my old man hat (which is not turned backwards) to discuss what prom is today, as I understand it, and why it makes no damn sense to me.
I watched the Golden Globes last night. It’s out there now, no taking it back. What I can say is that it wasn’t really something intentional, it was just sort of, “Well, this is on. This ought to kill a little bit while I eat.” Then I couldn’t turn it off.
I’m not a fan of award shows, (and judging from their ratings in recent, neither are you) I just find the whole “industry patting itself on the back” thing is pretty trite. I may pay attention to who wins the bigger Oscars, but I certainly don’t mind missing it. In fact, I probably haven’t really been excited for an award show since the MTV Video Music Awards back when I was in high school, when the bassist from Rage Against the Machine could get arrested for climbing the stage scenery on live television.
When I was a year or so out of college, I got the news that one of my friends had gotten engaged. My world changed that minute. Suddenly, I didn’t live in a world where everyone just dated and fought and broke up. Some of these people began planning for something bigger than the coming weekend. I could never look at relationships, be they mine or someone else’s, in the same terms ever again.
An older coworker told me that it was the beginning of something more significant. She foretold that marriage would sweep through my group of college friends like a plague. She may not have used that exact simile, but her point was that it would happen in rapid succession at some point. For the most part, she was right. Before I got engaged earlier this year (stop clapping, I can’t hear it), I was one of the last single holdouts.
Fun Fact: Southwest Virginia is not at all like the world of Breaking Bad.
These are words to live by, and yet, people still must learn them. Oh sure, there are plenty of bald men, but RV’s? Not so much. There’s not a lot of desert either. Nonetheless, that apparently did not stop two men from allegedly roaming around Southwest Virginia in their modified Jeep-cum-meth lab. Because, hey, it worked so well for Bryan Cranston, right?
Not so much. An undercover sting resulted in Christopher Paitsell and Brandon Wolfe being arrested and charged with manufacturing and possession of methamphetamine. Despite the age difference between the two, we can neither confirm nor deny if one of them runs around in a pair of tighty-whities while cooking.