We were on pace to finally eradicate breast cancer. We only needed to make a few things more pink and our awareness would have hammered the death nail through the scourge of breast-having Americans.
But, no! Some of you are tired of all the pink.
To change this, The Guys will tar and feather Alan Jackson with flamingo feathers so that he, too, will turn a tidy pink profit this October.
In response to today’s Headline of the Day, “Low dietary fat more effective in fighting breast cancer than wearing pink,” all we can say is DA-YUM.
We almost asked the writer, David Liu, who peed in his mammogram results, but–show of hands–anyone out there not aware of breast cancer?
That it kills a lot of women, and breasts are removed?
Getting tested is a good idea?
Yeah, that’s what we thought. Maybe it’s time for Komen to get into cookbooks instead of cheesy bumper stickers.
Chancellor Palpatine Emperor Palpatine Pope Benedict XVI recently turned a whopping 83 years old. At his birthday party, he was given a large cake and had “Happy Birthday” sung to him in English. Because, you know, the Catholic Church has never had issues with small children and Benedict has never had any possible ties to the German Nazi party or movement. Never.
We can only assume that each candle (all 83 of them) had a tip that resembled a Pope hat. Because that makes us smile.
In other food related news, a hub-bub has been stirred up regarding the irony of KFC’s recent healthy focus campaign for the Susan G. Komen foundation and their release of the Double Down. And yet, there’s another hub-bub that they might want to focus on also. Oh, and SHAMELESS PLUG IS SHAMELESS
“Researchers discovered that women with a family history of breast cancer were 59-percent less likely to develop the disease if they breast fed.”
Did you hear that?
We’ve got cookies. You don’t want breast cancer. This is a win-win.
Of course, we’re still waiting to find out if you make chocolate milk by eating lots of Hershey’s.
In a shocking revelation, two-thirds of all Latina women in the United States discover their breast cancer through self-examinations.
We, here at SeriouslyGuys, are ashamed, apalled and awildered. (This dismay is well above and beyond standard bewilderment.)
Won’t somebody help these women perform their breast exams? And so close to Valentine’s, too. No wonder they’re staying home for Encore’s Ladies Only movie night.
On a completely unrelated note: if you’re offended by these jokes about cancer, then you’re letting cancer win. Is that what you want?