You Missed It: Internal investigation edition

What a difference two months makes.

It really is official now, I’m old. The release of the new Power Rangers movie marks the first time that there has been a reboot of a childhood show that I was too old for the first time around. I haven’t seen a lot of the reboots, but I’m not necessarily opposed to them. There’s no issue in taking things I remember from my childhood and reworking them in a way to make them relevant for the next generation. Except for that live-action Beauty and the Beast remake. It’s literally the same movie, and you are all fools for going to see it. If you were busy taking it to Cracker Barrel for firing Brad’s wife this week, odds are you missed it.

Russia still way better than U.S. in coverups
This week, FBI Director James Comey took the unusual step of confirming that his agency is investigating President Donald Trump’s campaign team and the Russians, and the list of campaign officials who met with the Russians continues to grow. White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer denied that there was any wrongdoing, saying that Boris Badenov and Natasha Fatale are just family friends.

Police get a win for Brady
This week, authorities announced that they found stolen Super Bowl jersey of Tom Brady, the greatest quarterback ever to play the game, as well as his missing jersey from his Super Bowl victory two years ago. The jerseys were reportedly stolen by a journalist and taken to Mexico, where they were later found. The Breitbart version of that story: Mexico sent its dishonest media to steal a hardworking white American’s shirt off his back.

Spot of T. rex
Paleontologists are arguing that a branch of dinosaurs that includes the Tyrannosaurus rex evolved earlier than previously thought and probably came from what is now Britain. The researchers said their first clue was that all dinosaurs had such bad teeth.

Alt-right declares war on cereal

Breitbart, the self-proclaimed mouthpiece of the conservative white nationalist rebranding movement known as the “alt-right,” has had a lot to celebrate lately. They got their horse to win the horse race, and then their horse picked their executive chairman to be a part of the horse’s transition team. But now comes the real war.

A number of companies have stopped advertising with Breitbart, most notably, Kellogg’s. Being the tough, rational news outlet that it is, Breitbart responded by calling Kellogg’s decision “un-American” and calling on its readers to boycott the company. The supposed lovers of free markets and corporate personhood don’t like that a company has chosen to take its business elsewhere.

This is 2016, a supposedly credible news source is starting a war with what is widely regarded as part of this complete breakfast.