Apparently, it costs more than a couple of cases of beer to get the FBI to go through family members’ texts. At least, that’s what a judge in North Carolina learned after being charged with attempted bribery.
According to the FBI, Superior Court Judge Arnold Ogden Jones was charged with attempted bribery after allegedly offering an agent a couple of cases — y’know, like buddies — if the agent would ignore a lack of probable cause and obtain some text messages for “just for [him].” And who hasn’t asked their neighbor or coworker for that? Violating the U.S. Constitution is just one of those things good friends do, like loan a cup of sugar without habeas corpus or quarter some troops, no questions asked.
Of course, then things got weird because the agent reportedly turned down the beer(!) and asked for $100 instead. Jones should’ve known something was up, because nobody turns down free beer. I mean, cash is nice, but you can’t drink it and, believe us, it doesn’t get you high when you smoke it.
JACK JOHNSON then told LESLIE JOHNSON to go upstairs in their bedroom and go “my drawer” (sic) and you will see a “check in there that [Developer A] wrote to me” … LESLIE JOHNSON interrupted JACK JOHNSON and asked if she should take the “cash out of here too.” JACK JOHNSON replied “Yes.” JACK JOHNSON then told LESLIE JOHNSON to put the cash in her underwear.
As the wife left the house, she was stopped by two female agents who later searched her and allegedly found the $79,600 in her underwear.
Somehow, that woman was able to smuggle over 79 grand in her bra. For years, people have wondered about the mathematical translations of a parsec, how Soundwave turns into a 30 foot tall robot from a handheld cassette tape deck, the infinite properties of a bag of holding and just exactly where Optimus Prime’s trailer goes. Parallel universes have only been speculated at … until now. Nerd science has finally been nearly vindicated.