A tragic ending to a fairytale relationship

We’ve got some sad news today. It seems that even with things thawing out in the hemisphere, hearts are not melting in Alaska. Yes, to the shock of the country, Bristol Palin and her fianc√©, Levi Johnston, have broken up. Even more disheartening is the fact that it apparently happened “weeks ago.” Hmmmm, wasn’t there some sort of romantic holiday a few weeks ago?

NO!!! It can’t be true! Please tell me Bristol and That Dude Who Knocked Her Up didn’t break up on Valentine’s Day!!!

It’s sad but true. The one-time political tool of the Republican party is no more. Their two-month-old symbol of hypocrisy at home, Tripp, however, remains ever present. In February, grandmother and Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin told FOX News’ Greta Van Susteren that the couple was doing fine and planned to get married after high school.

Wait, has nobody told mom yet? When you do, hide her guns.

You Missed It: When someone asks you if you’re a god you say ‘YES’ edition

Hello there, friend. How have you been? It seems like so long since last we talked. We missed you so much and we can’t wait to tell you all about the past week, because, well, you missed it.

I ain’t afraid of no guts
When last we saw them, Vladimir Putin Vigo the Carpathian had been vanquished back to the depths of hell, thanks to some great work by the Statue of Liberty and the assistance of the Ghostbusters. Now, Variety confirms, the boys are strapping on their proton packs after nearly 20 years. Sure, they may have packed on a few pounds, gone gray or even had mid-life crises (we’d include one about Ernie Hudson, but that’s just mean), but they are back for a third installment. Why? Because bustin’ makes them feel good. Also look forward to another Godfather installment.

Hottest grandmother ever?
The world got their first look at Republican candidate Sarah Palin on Thursday, but earlier in the week it was her daughter who was making headlines. Yes, 17 year-old Bristol Palin is pregnant by her super cute 18 year-old boyfriend hockey player. The couple said they had already talked about getting married, but the idea has come along farther since he slipped one past the goalie.

The Russkies strike
Hurricane Gustav hit the Gulf coast this week. Causing a lot of damage (and surfacing of fond memories) in New Orleans and elsewhere along the coast. So far, the exact toll of damage is unknown. The good news is that evacuees are safe and sound, because the aid FEMA had promised since Katrina just arrived last week.

Chrome sweet Chrome
Google went with a surprise release of its new Web browser, Chrome, this week. The browser is gear to work for more complicated web sites featuring Java, movies or other heavy duty page content. This is why you can’t click on links in Facebook. Thanks, Google!

Hold this aspirin between your knees

People, we’ve got a situation here. The Republican vice presidential nomination has a pregnant teenage daughter.

Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s sister, is due to pop out the latest infant sensation any day now.

Oh, and Juno was a very popular movie.

The experts are rightly questioning abstinence-only education with the rising numbers of real and fake teen pregnancies. We, as The Guys, agree and have only one question for today’s educators:

Who forgot to teach teens how to pull out?!