Tag: Britney Spears

Ending atrocities: a good idea … in theory

Speaking today at the U.S. Capitol to celebrate observe Holocaust Remembrance Day, President Barack Obama said that “it is the duty of the living all over the world to make certain there will be no more atrocities.”

That’s all well and good, but did you ever notice how the atrocity word gets thrown around? African genocide, skiing accidents, muumuus at the Oscar, Gossip Girl being renewed for yet another season: all are considered by many to be atrocities, some universally so.

So, what is the cut-off for acceptable attrocities? Will the ATF enforce poor drunken karaoke choices? Is it the duty of Americans to bum rush Britney Spears whenever she attempts a comeback? Who will keep Wolverine out of the theaters?

It’s a nice thought, but only so practical.

If a teenybopper is insulted on Sirius …

Jamie Foxx issued a bizarre apology to Miley Cyrus on Jay Leno last night for comments he made about her last weekend. The apology caught most of the free world — and probably Cyrus — off guard because they were made on his Sirius satellite radio show, The Foxxhole.

Note to Sterling, Virginia readers:
The Foxxhole is not to be confused with gay porn star/former high school wrestling coach Ty Fox’s Lair. But it sounds remarkably similar to be sure. (See you at the reunion, PVHS Class of 1999!)

Jamie Kentucky, also a Part-Time Pop StarThe In Living Color alumnus apologized for a joke where he suggested Cyrus “get like Britney Spears and do some heroin. Do like Lindsay Lohan and start seeing a lesbian and get some crack in your pipe. Catch chlamydia on a bicycle seat.”

Foxx was forced to remind Leno’s audience that, when not winning Oscars as physically- or mentally-impaired black musicians, he is a comedian and will occassionally say things he doesn’t mean, like make fun of Britney Spears and Lindsay Lohan by advising Cyrus to act like them.

(Yeah, if you learned comedy from the Wayans, you might be confused about punchlines and targets, too.)

He also added, “Had I known Miley is — in fact — Hannah Montana, singing superstar, I never would have made that joke in the first place.”

CNN’s Rick Sanchez is high on crack

We never miss a chance to bash CNN. (Why? Because it’s fun and they link to us.) Apparently Twitter user Rick Sanchez, a reporter for CNN, had his account hacked by a phishing site. We still are not sure whether or not it has to do with one of his tweets yesterday.

“i am high on crack right now might not make it into work today”

Clearly the man was on something, he found himself unable to capitalize or even punctuate his tweet. Sanchez, this is your brain, this is your brain on drugs on Twitter. Any questions?

(I am legally obligated here to plug not only SG’s Twitter, but my own as well.)

But Sanchez wasn’t the only victim to this crime. More people who matter fell prey, like President-elect Barack Obama, Vice President-elect Britney Spears, and Fox News. Did you know that O’Reilly is gay? Apparently so. We here at SG are open-minded and applaud the pundit for coming out, particularly in his line of work. In following with his stance on homosexuality, O’Reilly will now check himself in to rehab/electroshock therapy until he is straight.

(Courtesy of Courtney P.)

Tattoo Discrimination Update: It’s on

On June 19, 2008, I wrote a post that made fun of people highlighted in a CNN article about being too tattooed to work in the United States. Some of you out there took offense. I hear you.

No, really: I hear you. I hear you in emails, in comments (new ones today), on the riverboats where I play high stakes video poker … I’m sick and tired of hearing you.

I even pretended to take your side on November 26, but nobody bought it. You got me: I was being funny again.

You keep telling me that you’re upset that I could be so discriminatory. Well, I think you’re all talk, Internet tattoo people.

In response to the latest bout of me-bashing in the threads (by a Christian, no less!), I’ve thrown down the gauntlet and issued a challenge:

If you can show me one (1) photograph that proves there is a non-tattooed prisoner on Death Row …

I will get a tattoo. And I will publish it on this site.

And on your web site, too, if you have one, proving to your friends how smart and influential you are (despite your ink).

I will seriously do this. So show me what you’re made of, painted ladies and gentlemen of the Internet.

Again, I am serious. That’s what I do: I’m a SeriouslyGuy.

Email all pics (like they exist!) to rick.snee@seriouslyguys.com. Make sure you tell me who’s in the picture and what they’re in for. I will also post this up on our Web site to show you bested me.

Note: Do NOT send me pictures of tattooed professionals or super-nice people, trying to prove that not everyone who has tattoos is evil. We all know there are a lot of stupid nice people out there, and tattoos are really popular right now. Just like Britney Spears.

Hold this aspirin between your knees

People, we’ve got a situation here. The Republican vice presidential nomination has a pregnant teenage daughter.

Jamie Lynn Spears, Britney’s sister, is due to pop out the latest infant sensation any day now.

Oh, and Juno was a very popular movie.

The experts are rightly questioning abstinence-only education with the rising numbers of real and fake teen pregnancies. We, as The Guys, agree and have only one question for today’s educators:

Who forgot to teach teens how to pull out?!

Eat My Sports: Music edition

It hit me earlier this week, we need an overhaul. Basically for going on 20 years, we as an American sports nation have relied too heavily on the same songs, over and over and over and over and over and over again at our sporting events. Someone wins, you get Queen’s “We Are The Champions,” someone gets ejected or loses, it’s Steam’s “Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye,” to get the crowd pumped up you play “Rock and Roll Part 2” by Gary Glitter, or, enter any of these: Continue reading Eat My Sports: Music edition

The McBournie Minute: Celebrities can’t drive

Recently, Britney Spears had a minor car accident. It does not seem that anyone was hurt, but clearly that is just a case of luck. Our nation’s celebrities, while they may serve as poor role models, they serve as even poorer drivers. What will our children think?

Even when they are not crashing motor vehicles, when they step out of their cars, celebrities are often not fully clothed allowing brief visual access to their naughtier parts. Our nation’s youth will grow up thinking that it is perfectly acceptable to drive around without underpants on, which is something every good driver knows is risky. You can, of course, become stuck to the seat. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Celebrities can’t drive

The enemy hits a new low

There are some issues that even we here at SG stay away from. There are just some topics you can’t find the lighter side in, at least not without hitting some nerves. That’s why we stay away from important topics like Iraq, women’s issues and Britney Spears. Until recently, there was a fourth taboo topic on that list, but because of our dedication to covering the War on Animals, we are going to cover it. Yes, our animal enemies have stooped to rape.

A New Zealand man told police he had been raped by a wombat. Really. But already a victim, the courts did not take a kind view to his story and sentenced him to 75 hours of community service. The man was unable to prove in court that he had been violated by said animal and was found to have been wasting police time.

The man had called police ranting about being raped by a wombat and said he needed immediate assistance. Shortly afterward, he called back and said he was OK and that the wombat had “pulled out.” Yeesh.

Quite possibly the greatest quote of all time: “‘Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty all right you know, I didn’t hurt my bum at all.'”

If you or someone you know has been the victim of sexual assault from an animal, please don’t hesitate to get help.

Can’t think of a headline that would not sound a little racist

We all know Japan is quirky. Heck, one might even go so far as to call it “weird.” This blog has no idea what could have caused this, but it could be the radiation from the atomic bombs we dropped.

They love technology, they love cheap animation that all looks the same and they helped us not feel creepy about finding the school girl outfit rather hot. But even a country like that can go overboard. Recently, Japan named a cartoon character to an ambassador position.

Folks, this officially makes Japan the Britney Spears of nations. We need to make it get help.

Sean Young shows young starlets how to get it done

Not to be outdone by Hollywood’s current stable of floozies, Sean Young recently took it upon herself to show Paris, Britney and Lindsay how to really make a drunken spectacle.

Ms. Young kicked it Olde Schoole by taunting a winning director at the Directors Guild of America Awards, unlike the current, lazier generation that gets drunk and stupid at clubs. Bascially, that’s like going down in Sunday mass as opposed to holding an orgy in a whorehouse.

Ms. Young has now trumped them again by entering rehab before an unseemly arrest. The word on the street is that she will go through it only once this year, proving that classy ladies are housebroken after one accident.

Take note, little princesses. You just got served by the Queen.