Tag: broward county

Florida continues to up the wackiness, this time with space

You may have heard about the meteor shower that happened over Russia recently. A lot of attention was brought to the area thanks to the damage it created just on the offhand. Florida, being the petulant child state that it is, decided it could up the ante and needs attention, too.

This past weekend in Broward County, a single meteor streaked through the night sky. Now, that’s fairly tame for the most part, but even more so when compared to the shower of meteors that happened just two days ago. So why did it gain news?

Because it has been declared a fireball, something that sounds a lot more exciting than a single meteor. Nice try Florida, but we’re onto your attempts at doctoring up the news. You can’t fool a fool.

 

…..that may not have come out like we wanted it to.

Petty theft is a helluva drug

In what appears to be our unintentionally continuing coverage of the Broward County court system, a young man who was already serving probation for multiple petty theft convictions has been arrested again, this time for stealing the nameplate from a judge’s courtroom door.

Police arrested Steven Mulhall after pictures of him with Broward Circuit Judge Michael Orlando’s courtroom nameplate were found on Facebook following a recent court appearance. He will now face felony charges for the burglary, valued at $40.

We hate to blame the victim here, but how can Broward County expect to rehabilitate a convicted thief if they insist on not fastening their property down with spot welding or crazy glue? If it can hold a construction worker by his helmet, it can change lives, man.

Take it from Snee: Judge John Hurley, the Mikado

The Mikado in the eponymous Gilbert and Sullivan play sings that, as the most humane Mikado in all of Japanese history, he believes that every punishment should fit its crime. And certainly a no more humane judge did in Florida exist than Judge John Hurley, who recently sentenced a husband in a domestic abuse case to time with his wife.

While a lesser judge might have sentenced Joseph Bray to jail time for, as his wife Sonja described, shoving her to the sofa and grabbing her by the neck, Judge Hurley recognized this the way any Floridian would: a happy birthday chokeslam. (The two were fighting because Joseph failed to wish his wife a happy birthday.)

So, that’s why the judge ruled that they must:

  1. Consume flowers. (That’s why women always need more, right?)
  2. Go to Red Lobster.
  3. Go bowling, a bloodsport that — in my experience — has settled more marriages than any other besides Monopoly.

After all, this whole incident boiled down to what Judge Hurley described as a “very, very minor” example of domestic violence. It’s only assault if it happens in a bar, workplace or anywhere else that isn’t your living room.

Not only do I offer Judge John Hurley my congratulations on a verdict well reached, but I wish him a long and illustrious career over other cases. Cases like: Continue reading Take it from Snee: Judge John Hurley, the Mikado