Tag: bryan schools

The McBournie Minute: Black tuxedo, black label

If you’ll forgive me, I’m a  bit exhausted right now. Also, I believe my system is still trying to flush out the last of the whiskey. I had quite a time over the weekend. I know what you’re thinking and no, it wasn’t my average bender. It was the wedding of Bryan Schools.

I was the best man, so on Friday I got out of work early to meet up with my girlfriend and head down to Richmond, Virginia for the rehearsal that night. The wedding was at The Jefferson, which is alleged to be the swankiest hotel in town. From what I saw, that held up.

We only ran through the rehearsal once, and somehow, all of the groomsmen and bridesmaids were able to get it down pat on the first take, like Frank Sinatra. Sure, all we had to do was walk in and line up in a symmetrical way with the ladies. But it was a lot to remember. For example, we had to remember to keep our hands clasped in front of us. This was very important. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Black tuxedo, black label

Eat My Sports: Booze News style

Hello, I’m legendary SeriouslyWriter Bryan Schools. I don’t quite know how to put this, but I’m kind of a big deal, people know me.

And people who know SG know Booze News. People who know Booze News, tend to drink and people who tend to drink tend  know good booze, but unfortunately, due to a bad economy and general low standards, they also know bad booze. Kind of like sports has the cream of the crop, and then the cream of the crap, there’s good, there’s bad, and that my friends inspired my horrible idea for a column to compare the best and worst teams of each of the major pro sports … to brands of booze (and in no way was I drinking a vodka Red Bull and Mountain Dew when I wrote this, nor was it Smirnoff, the Denver Nuggets of alcohol). Continue reading Eat My Sports: Booze News style

Eat My Sports: Bring it, Madden

I am challenging John Maddden. No, not to a game of Scrabble, or a game of who can drop “boom” more times in a five minute conversation. No kids, this year, we here at SG are challenging the video game, to see how they can handle us.

Playing as your favorite team gets lame after a while, Bryan McBournie himself has even admitted to there being a limit as to how much he can take of Tom Brady’s digital butt. So you need to kick it up a notch, give the game a little spark. You need to create a team of you and your friends as “create-a-players” with perfect ratings, and see if Madden has the cajones to keep up with you.

McBournie and I are masters of this. Throughout college we perfected the QB/RB combo by designing a shotgun offense that allowed my golden arm and toned legs to plow through any defense like Lindsay Lohan and Misha Barton tag-teaming a 10-lb eight ball. This year however, SG will take on Madden. And we will keep you posted of the results, but before we update you every week. Here is our lineup, as we will make the Detroit Lions a playoff team. Why Detroit? We told you already, we like the shotgun. Continue reading Eat My Sports: Bring it, Madden

Take it from Snee: I will be safe again

For eight years–eight years–I believed we had created a safer United States, a bomb-free and non-terrorized America.  I thought that, by taking my shoes off at airports and picketing Muslim schools, we were safe.

All of that was thrown out the window this morning thanks to CNN and Bryan Schools (but mostly Bryan Schools). Now I’m terrified, which is terrorism. (Bryan Schools is a terrorist.)

If 10 U.S. government agents could sneak bombs into U.S. government buildings past other U.S. government employees, then every step the U.S. government has taken to protect me was all a lie. I’m not safe, nor was I ever.

But, I’m going to change that, you Take it from Snee. Continue reading Take it from Snee: I will be safe again