Mayor of the Dead

Citizen, you should be proud that you’re (probably) a member of the United States of America. We’re a strong country. We have values that we’ll gladly impose upon you. We know what we want and we take it! But most important of all, we’re zombie-free. Unlike Europe, which seems to be riddled with the brain-munchers, our country knows the value in putting the dead back into their graves.

Another plus for our country and not Europe? We don’t have zombies elected as political officials. While this was obviously most evident during the 2004 election, stronger evidence of this can be seen as closely as Bucharest, where recently, a dead mayor was reelected by his Romanian village. Their reason? “We’re afraid of change.” Major weaksauce, Romania. Smartly, election authorities awarded the title of mayor to his candidate before a dark ritual or Solarium could be used to expedite the corpse’s stroll back to office.

People, that’s not a bipartisan system-it’s a brain partaking system. It’s smart not to let a zombie in office. All we would have is tons and tons of legislature stating, “Send more paramedics.”