A little racism is OK in war

Warriors, we’re in trouble.

A group of Tibetan Buddhists released 534 live lobsters back into the Atlantic Ocean, just off the coast of Massachusetts, last Wednesday. They claim that this was part of their observance of Chokhur Duchen, or the anniversary of Buddha’s turning of the Dharma Wheel. But we know better.

There’s only one thing Buddhists are known for more than Richard Gere, and that thing is Kung Fu.

Suddenly, we don’t care about Tibet

In a double-gut punch, animals have struck our steely nerves with a pneumatic hammer. (Fortunately, they could not affect our resolve in the War on Animals.)

A Tibetan Lama is going bless detained cats at a Boston-area animal “shelter.” That’s right: Tibet is actively undermining all the enhanced interrogation techniques we’ve used to destroy these cats’ religion by giving them a new one — in this case, Buddhism.

Now these cats won’t care if we threaten to drown them or give them leukemia: they’ll just be reborn as a giraffe or something. This is just what we’d suspect from a lama: a direct spit in our face.

This could have been another “Free Tibet” blog post, but no! That ship has sailed.

Headline of the Day

There are many ways to die, but normally, one doesn’t think of groundskeeping machinery as a possible source of a dirt nap. Apparently it can come for even Buddhists.

Reverend Seiji Handa, a Buddhist monk from Japan, was in England trimming the grass around his peace pagoda when his tractor got away from him and he slipped under it. Don’t worry, folks, he’ll be reincarnated.