It’s probably a good thing that Michelle Obama is helping President Barack Obama with his appeal to end bullying. Otherwise, you know he would have compromised from the get-go.
Tag: bully
Spanking toughens up your kids
We’re not sure why researchers focus so much on spanking toddlers, but we can excuse their fetish if they provide results (and show their math).
The latest round of surveys and behavioral observations indicate, once again, that spanking 3-year-olds will forge them into a kid-hating wrecking machines by the time they’re 5. And it’s about time science proved that there are benefits to the practice. Tough kids are known for:
- Always having exact change. Wimpy kids never have any change.
- Beating up kids you don’t like. We’re not allowed to challenge kids to fights until they turn 12, so this is our only legal loophole. (You’re dead meat, Kevin Milligan!)
- Hot dogs. Armour hot dogs.
Of course, if you’re still squeamish about hitting your kids, there’s always Spank Kata.
Science: Bullies like being jerks
A new study published in the journal Biological Psychology presents evidence suggesting that bullies like inflicting pain and even watching others in pain.
To test this theory, they showed footage of pain to “unusually aggressive 16 to 18-year-old males” and a group of normal ones.
Obviously, they figured out which ones were super aggressive by putting all of them in a giant race, realizing the ones caring baseball bats were their experiment group.
The “normal” males’ pleasure brain nubs did not light up when showed footage of pain, while the aggressive ones furiously masturbated. When the bullies were angered because the slide show was done, the researches put them in a room with kittens to calm them down.
Surprisingly, no kittens were hurt, although one was photographed without permission and put into a YouTube video to the soundtrack of Schindler’s List.