You Missed It: Turtle head edition

Megan Fox, attempting to act her way out.
Megan Fox, attempting to act her way out.

I realize that every industry wants to have their own fake holiday, but it’s getting a bit excessive. For example, yesterday was National Cherry Pie day. Today is National Margarita Day. Far be it from me to say we shouldn’t have holidays celebrating anything booze related, but who decides these things? Did the National Association of Tequila Distillers form a coalition with Lime Farmers of America to create this? Also, if you drink margaritas in February, and you don’t live on a beach, you have a problem. If you were busy writing your acceptance speech this week, odds are you missed it.

Fox joins the turtles
Remember Michael Bay’s plan to ruin the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, now that he’s more or less finished crapping on the Transformers? Turns out it’s still very much in the works, as Bay announced this week that Megan Fox has been cast as April O’Neil, the turtles’ reporter friend. Bay said he is excited about the project, and that with the help of CGI, Fox will seem almost lifelike on screen.

Change comes slow in the South
With the recent success of Lincoln, which is up for a ton of Oscars this weekend, the 13th Amendment has been enjoying quite a bit of fame. However, the amendment, which banned slavery went without approval from Mississippi until recently. The state legislature never voted on the measure until 1995, and even then, the paperwork wasn’t filed until a professor figured it out a few weeks ago. When the state finally got its act together and ratified the 13th Amendment, they decided to break out the fire hoses just for old time’s sake.

Twitter breaks deal news yet again
It was a rough week on Twitter for a couple companies, after their accounts got hacked. First, Burger King’s account was hacked, sending out tweets that it had been sold to McDonald’s, and a day later, Jeep’s account was posting that it had been sold to Cadillac. Later in the week,  Donald Trump was hacked, too. His followers first realized that it had happened when his tweets began lacking his typical air of douchbaggery.

So are they, like, reverse-hipsters now?

Twitter accounts for large American companies apparently have the security measures of a tissue. Earlier this week, Burger King was hacked. Then, Cadillac was hacked. Now, Denny’s has been hacked.

From within.

On purpose.

Ugh. Oh Denny’s, your attempt to make fun of the mainstream reeks of desperation. And calories, which normally have no scent at all, and yet your menu has somehow managed to give them an actual odor.

Courtesy is the most sincere form of disrespect

For all you lovers of the ladies, please note: if your significant other asks an employee for hot food, and the employee states that cold food will not be served to her, maybe, just maybe, the employee is actually giving her proper customer service and not disrespect.

Also note: bashing a fast food employee over the head with a food tray is not a good way to get a refund.

It’s a sad day for Happy Meals

Unhappy times are ahead for those who love Happy Meals in Santa Clara, California. It’s being reported that Santa Clara County has approved a ban on the promotional toys that often accompany kids’ meals at fast-food spots like McDonald’s, Burger King and Taco Bell. The toys must be discontinued unless the restaurants can institute a voluntary program in the next 90 days that improves the nutritional offerings. Yeah, that’s easy to do.

According to ordinance sponsor Ken Yeager, “This ordinance prevents restaurants from preying on children’s love of toys. This ordinance breaks the link between unhealthy food and prizes.”

Childhood obesity and diabetes is on the rise in the U.S., and Santa Clara is taking a route that goes above parental roles in healthy eating and targets the food itself. The ban will create massive havoc for franchise owners in Santa Clara, even if Happy Meal toys were better back in my day.

What could this ultimately lead to? Families driving across county lines just for some plastic. And Happy Meal toys.

The McBournie Minute: Desire smells like that to some people

Was your Valentine’s Day a little lacking? Are you just not happy with the tie you got this year? It’s time to return your cheap-o gift and get something you really want-body spray that smells like a burger from Burger King.

That’s right, with Flame, the new scent from BK, you can now make her mouth water just by walking into the room–bet that stopped happening after a month or so. Best of all, you can have it your way.

This got me thinking, what kinds of things would I like a woman to smell like? Clearly, they have never consulted us on this matter, because everything they wear smells like potpourri and aftershave. On top of that they wear deodorant that claims to have the power of platinum, which is one of the weakest metals known. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Desire smells like that to some people

You Missed It: Do not adjust your television set edition

Hi folks. Welcome to 2009, and brand new year for news you will miss. As you may have noticed if you are reading this on Friday, You Missed It is now being published late Friday afternoons, as opposed to early Friday afternoons. If you hadn’t heard about that change until now, um, well, odds are you missed it.

Digital get-down
Did you know that television is changing over to a digital format next month? You probably did, and you are probably still really confused about it. Don’t worry, Congress and President-elect Barack Obama are trying to get the switch over date pushed back. Why? Because, among other things, the federal coupon program ran out of money a couple months ago. By the way, gang, you only need a digital converter if you get your television by bunny ear antenna–that’s it. If you have cable or satellite, you don’t need to worry. You’re welcome.

Charges of corruption and excessively-voweled last name
Today, the Illinois House of Representatives voted to impeach Gov. Rod “The Bod” Blagojevich. Some going to far as to say he had stolen the trust of the people. After the the 114-1 vote with three lawmakers not voting, the measure now heads to the state senate. Why was there one vote against impeachment and three non-votes? Blagojevich promised them all “something really f@$*ing nice. No f%&$ing kidding around.”

The Whopper Virgins will decide
Is the recession getting you down? Did you blow way too much on bar tabs and presents during the holidays? There is a meal in sight for you, for the low, low price of 10 friends. Yes, in this economy, even the value of a friendship can be worth less than something on the dollar menu. For what I assume is a limited time, Burger King will give you a Whopper if you de-friend 10 friends using their new app available on their website Just to make things tougher, there’s no way delete the friends and not have it show up in the News Feed, so everyone will know you would rather 1/10 of a Whopper than their friendship. Ouch.