To help sort out everything in this story that could or did go horribly awry, here’s how it went down by the numbers:
1. A Sheriff’s Deputy walks into a Burger King. (Classic!)
2. He orders a Whopper, presumably with cheese and no spit.
3. The cashier screws up his poker face, raising the deputy’s suspicions.
4. The deputy sifts through his burger, layer by layer until he discovers, under the meat on the bottom bun, “a loogie filled with milky phlegm.”
5. He then takes the remains of the burger (we assume he ate the top layers since he didn’t find any spit, and there are starving children in Korea) to the boys in the lab for a DNA analysis.
6. That DNA analysis returns results pinpointing one of the employees at the Burger King, which means he either swabbed everyone there or the culprit’s DNA is on file from a prior bodily fluids-related offense.
Yep, it’s just another day in Vancouver, Washington.
As we get closer to summer, there is a threat looming on the horizon: barbeques. More specifically, we are referring to eating hot dogs in public. During the winter months, The Guys dine in solitude, devouring anything microwavable, safe from the prying eyes of people at parks.