Tag: bush

Church to accept indulgences through PayPal

The band Bush once wrote a song called “Jesus Online.” Unlike the vast majority of Bush’s songs, this one is starting to make sense.

Churches are reporting a decline in people showing up for the confession of their sins, that is, you know, if their branch of Christianity believes in that sort of thing. However, it may no longer be a priest needed to act as a conduit to a higher power, all one might need is an Internet connection.

People can now “reach out and touch faith.” (See, Depeche Mode fans? We got a reference for you, too.) A new study from Georgetown (Jorgétown, to our Spanish-speaking readers) says that more and more people are logging on to Web sites, both Christian- and non-Christian-run, to confess their guilt on everything from binge shopping to affairs.

The Guys are ready to hear your wrongdoings, citizens of the world. Feel free to leave a comment or send us an e-mail with your salacious sins.

Note: SeriouslyGuys is not an ordained Web site, nor is it affiliated with any particular religion. We do however, feel the need to get the latest gossip.

No mar sonar

Of all the branches of the military, the U.S. Navy is probably the most finicky about just which side it is on in the War on Animals. This really makes no sense, seeing as how the military is supposed to help us fight wars, but nevertheless, there have been some issues with them in the past, including training dolphins and sea lions to protect the country’s shores, like we can really trust the enemy. The Navy has also roughed up yours truly when I tried to get onto the Naval Academy campus hunting a green pigeon.

Last month, President George Bush exempted the Navy from environmental protections, basically saying they could use their sonar whenever they want, even though traitors claim it kills whales–like that’s a bad thing. Before that, the issue had been bounced around in the federal courts. First the Navy could not use sonar because it might harm whales, then the courts said they could use sonar no matter what.

Now, the courts are saying Bush cannot take the steps necessary to keep our oceans free of mammals. That’s right, the Navy is back to no sonar mode. These liberal, critter-loving courts need to get their heads out of the sand and realize there is a war going on. If the courts had it their way, we wouldn’t be able to monitor our enemy’s mating calls, either!