Take it from Snee: Seriously business

If you work, then you’ve seen them: motivational posters. Like most propaganda, they use simple slogans and mind-searing images to raise your work level to Glorious Benefit for Behalf Father Company.

As a technical writer, I can’t help but notice that either:

A) Somebody didn’t realize what they were writing at the time.

B) Yes, they did.

C) Some combination of A and B where the powers that be noticed that an innocent slogan has a double-meaning, like eighth graders laughing at “penal code.”

So, let’s jump right in! Don’t forget to persevere through innovation outside the box on the way! Continue reading Take it from Snee: Seriously business

Six month old ketchup, anyone?

Scientists in India say that they have created genetically modified tomatoes that will stay fresh a full month longer than regular tomatoes.

Researchers said they modified the tomatoes by manipulating two enzymes involved in ripening the ubiquitous fruit, which allows them to extend shelf life by 30 days. Reportedly, the techniques could be used to extend the shelf life of bananas and mangoes.

Is this a good idea? Of course not. Rotting tomatoes were obviously our only weapon in the Great Tomato War. How am I the only person to remember this fact?

Get ready for your ‘Webmaster’ to block this site

Do you have any idea how many hacks we had to write into SG to make it readable in IE6?

If you’re reading this at work, then chances are pretty good that it’s through Microsoft Internet Explorer 6, isn’t it? We’re sure you don’t want to, that you use Firefox or Opera at home, but your company just won’t upgrade to IE 8 because of “security reasons.”

Oh, yeah. IE’s up to version 8. Remember how your IT department said not to upgrade to 7, yet? Anyone in sales knows that “yet” generally means never, especially when their barely functioning intranet (look for the .asp) was hastily put together back in 2001 and won’t work on more streamlined browsers.

Well, it appears that the Internet hears your cries and is rebelling with a netroots “IE 6 No More” campaign.

Either they’ll win and your office will finally upgrade, or you’ll eventually be unable to browse any Web site written before the first season of American Idol. (We’ll always have the hamster dance.)

Things went so well last time Pope ran commerce

Possible Slogan: You can't misspell 'euthanasia' without 'youth!'Pope Benedict XVI, a man chosen by God to sit on a golden throne in a palace that makes up its own city that is full of locked-away treasures, is asking business people of the world to ask themselves, “WWJD?”

The Pope calls entrepenuers’ and financiers’ morality into question in his latest encyclical, which is kind of like a homemade newspaper, only translated into Latin when it’s rolled out.

Among the practices he abhors are outsourcing (corporate missionary work), abusing natural resources (tending the plants and animals) and–of course–stem cell research, abortion and euthanasia.

So much for our chain of one-stop fetus- and elderly-killing stations. It doesn’t matter if we unionize (which he did support); Pope still says it’s wrong.

It’s hard out here for a gimp

We’ve all been affected by the economy in one form or another. Heck, the world itself has been affected by this money crunch.

And no one has been hit harder than the French sex toy industry.

No one.

Massage oils, edible underwear, high heeled shoes and “neck massagers” have all seen slumping sales in Gay Paris. People seem to be very scared to spend their money, especially lonely housewives. Many vendors were used to being beneficiaries of the “Checkout Line Phenomena”, in that when someone would visit them to buy one product, they’d usually end up impulsively buying two or three. Now? It’s only that single pleasure pal. Instead, people seem to be going back to basics (so to speak) for their behind-closed-doors-enjoyment.

Perhaps we at Seriously Guys would like to debut a new category: “Sex doesn’t sell.”