You Missed It: Disowned edition

Now he's going to hate Asians, too.
“Come to think of it, I don’t like Asians now, either.”

It seems like every week some columnist is declaring social media dead, like they’re ER doctors or something. As much as I would like it, Facebook isn’t dead, and luckily, neither is Twitter. Things don’t die just because you tell them to, they die because you were so quick to move on to the next big thing you didn’t look back. When someone has to remind you that it existed, it’s dead. If you were busy drooling over the cast of the new Star Wars this week, odds are you missed it.

The NBA banned Los Angeles Clippers owner Donald Sterling for life, after recordings surfaced of him making racist comments involving black players, and his girlfriend taking pictures with Magic Johnson. A picture of Sterling in his underwear was also released this week, and it came out that he has been diagnosed with cancer. You had a better week than Sterling did.

Good-time Harry is back
England’s Prince Harry and his girlfriend, Cressida Bonas, announced that they have ended their two-year relationship this week. The revelation dashed many hopes in the U.K. for a royal wedding, since Harry introduced her to his grandmother, Queen Elizabeth, a few months back. So when your girlfriend talks about how said this is, just nod.

Call of Cards
It was announced this week that Kevin Spacey will play a central role in the next Call of Duty game, due to be released later this year. Fans of the series hailed the announcement, as the plotlines of CoD games have become to convoluted that it will help when Spacey turns to the camera and explain in detail what is going on and what he’s about to do.

Also found on Craigslist: 1 (one) shrew of a wife

Joseph Baddley, a discharged member of the military, was one of the millions that took part in purchasing Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 at its midnight release. Because he subsequently played the game a lot, the only rational decision to be made by his wife in regards to talking to the man about his gaming problem was to list on him Craigslist.

“So he could stand in a huge long line, pick up this game, drive home and begin playing and I didn’t see him for like three days straight,” said Joseph’s wife, Alyse.

Rather than not using something logical like looking around their living quarters (because, after all, she did not see him for like three days) for the guy, or perhaps, counseling, or even just talking to the guy, listing her husband for the high price of zero dollars was the route taken.

Embarrassing someone in a public fashion? Obviously it was a joke, as she’s revealed, thus showing she’s a whimsical person and totally not a person who jumps to conclusions. Oh retroactive listing of humor, you so funny!

Luckily there’s no stab button in real life

A 27-year-old man fought off an armed teenager in a dark parking lot when the would-be robber demanded his copy of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 at gunpoint. This was apparently a selling point not marketed by Activision for the game.

Police say the teenager confronted the gamer in his apartment parking lot about 1 a.m., racking a round in his gun and shouting “Give me the game.” When the gamer told him off, the gunman racked a second round, ejecting the first onto the ground. That’s when the gamer made his move, struggling over the gun until the teen fled. This is a stupid move because a gun is involved. A real gun, not a digital gun.

Police arrested the teen hours later, after discovering him standing in line at the same GameStop where the original copy in question of the game was purchased, waiting to buy his own copy of the game.

Call of Duty: Modern Not Really As Serious As This Situation Dictates.