So, you’ve clearly followed all of our advice here at SG. You’ve met that special someone in your life, the two of you have taken pictures where you’re superglued to each other and you’ve even managed to tie the knot! Congratulations! A year’s gone by and oops! Guess that lambskin lived up to its 64% protection rate. Oh no, a kiddy’s on the way! What to do? SeriouslyGuys has been blocked from work and as such, you have no idea how to raise a child. WHAT. ARE. YOU. TO. DO?
Well, if you’re from Vancouver, then clearly, the smart thing to do is put your newborn child up on Craigslist for the going rate of $10, 000 Canadian. Hey, if you’re really smart, you can exchange the baby for the chance to make another baby, if you’re into that whole thing.
Yes, I suppose that this is a bad thing, but, hey, there is a good side to the story. 10,000 dollars Canadian translates to $10,100 American. We’re back in business, baby! U-S-A! U-S-A!
Baseball deals can be just oh so much fun sometimes. It’s kind of funny to see just how much one team will pay for a player (or players). In our rather materialistic society (c’mon, it’s not negative if it’s social commentary), we tend to place value on both everything and everyone, and it’s not uncommon for us to place a value upon the players involved in trades in order to justify our entertainment. I mean, who would’ve thought that [insert blank name here] would totally not be worth that $20 million, am I right? However, Canada would have us think otherwise of our little value-placing game. Instead, thanks to them, we can now classify the value of minor league pitcher John Odom as ten bats.
And no, the bats don’t fly.
Though SG was off last week, the War of Animals did not take a single day off, we believe this is mostly because there was no cease fire agreed to by officials on either side. So, in an effort to keep from shirking out duties, here’s what happened while we were away:
Hundreds of ducks turned up dead in Alberta, Canada. The traitorous Canadian government is actually angry about this, and is investigating an oil company in connection with this masterstroke blow to the nation’s waterfowl population.
The birds apparently landed on a pond that had toxic waste in it. Only five of the ducks were saved. This is good news, but this blog cannot rule out that these ducks now have super powers. Continue reading War pauses for no one