Tag: candidate

Prove it by taking a shower with us

There are certain sentences that, when uttered, assure the world that you have no hope of ever winning your election:

  • “I don’t have to tell anyone where I buried her.”
  • “Is it just me, or are Laotians kind of smarmy?”
  • “YEEEAAAAAAARGH!”
  • “I’m not a witch.”

Delaware Republican Senate candidate and late night television darling, Christine O’Donnell released a new ad, saying that she is–in fact–“not a witch.” She went on to claim that she is you.

Yes, you. Unless you’re a witch. Then she isn’t you.

… Or is she? Don’t look in the mirror!

Dumbasses don’t deny dumbass claim

We’re not saying the Birthers are dumbasses, but Colorado GOP Senate candidate Ken Buck did.

Buck expressed frustration with the “dumbass” Birthers that keep showing up to his rallies and making the news. He told a Democrat operative that he wishes they would just shut the f@#k up, asking him or her to “tell those dumbasses at the Tea Party to stop asking questions about birth certificates while I’m on camera.”

Fortunately for Buck, the Birthers are a voting bloc that’s too stupid to be insulted.

9/12 Project Colorado Coalition leader, Lu Busse, only noticed that her candidate used some naughty language [emphasis ours]:

“‘He could have not called us a name,’ said Busse. ‘It would have been better to say, “Why do these people” and he shouldn’t have used a bad name, but I don’t see it as he meant anything personal to me or to the other people in the Tea Party movement.'”

What a dumbass.

Take it from Snee: Crackshot Commando

I don’t like to brag too much about my military record. For one thing, it’s not very conducive to my online comedy career. I want you to laugh with me, not laugh because–if there’s a way for a former Space Green Beret to reach through your monitor–I’ll thumb-gouge your eyes out.

But, with the recent attacks on Connecticut Democrat senatorial candidate Richard Blumenthal and U.S. Representative Mark Kirk (R.-Ill.) that call their military careers into question, I feel it is time to stand up with these brave men.

By “stand up,” I mean to tell my own story, which is so incredible that it can only prove their claims are no less preposterous. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Crackshot Commando

Take it from Snee: Lightning Round 2

Way back in June, I looked at a number of misconceptions out there and explained why they were wrong. These were brief, yet concise pockets of correctness that should have solved all of the stupid around me.

Alas, I’ve just found more conventional “wisdoms” that boggle the mind. (Go figure, it’s an election year.)

So, sit down, shut off that damn music and pay attention. You should only have to read this article once, because I’m not kicking your brain any more than I have to. Continue reading Take it from Snee: Lightning Round 2