Rumors of cannibals’ Octoberfest greatly exaggerated

For the time being, police at the French Polynesian island of Nuku Hiva do not believe German yachtsman Stefan Ramin was dismembered, cooked and eaten by cannibals last month. The dying printed press, however, would like to remind you that it’s still in the realm of newspaper-selling reality.

Remember: A story is treated as a tragedy unless — holy crap! Cannibals!