A heartless take on a heartwarming tale

A Minnesota man has set a new bar for good Samaritans after it took 96 minutes of CPR to restart his heart. Normally, paramedics and doctors will move on after 15 minutes, tops, when brain damage sets in. But, now it looks like everyone in the waiting room will have to peruse further back issues of Highlights for nearly another hour and a half.

It took 20 people to sustain CPR on the victim, Howard Snitzer — pulling, prodding and pounding on his chest to bring him back from the Great Sizzler Buffet in the Sky. And, while he may be alive and thankful, he now has two types of herpes, a chest cold and a staph infection from the ministrations of 40 strange hands and lips on his body.

Additionally, Snitzer contracted athlete’s foot from one stander-by who does not know what CPR is.