OK, so we’ve been quiet about President Obama’s plan to bring the 2016 (that’s pronounced “twenty-sixteen”) Olympics to Chicago, Illinois. We didn’t want to jinx it, and to be honest, Chicago’s not very good at shaking off curses.
But despite our tight-lipped efforts, Rio de Janeiro stole them from us!
We don’t blame the International Olympics Committee because we believe they were deliberately confused by that Portuguese-speaking, Amazon-bearing, cancer-curing anaconda pit that Brazilians call a country.
Knowing that the IOC wanted to give the Olympics to an American city, Rio presented themselves this way:
- They’re also in “America.” Yes, just like how Richmond is the incest capital of West Virginia, right?
- They hold an annual Carnival that celebrates nudity, transsexuals and bead-based economies. Yeah, we named that Mardi Gras when we invented it!
- They even claim to be world champion football players. Really? Which Manning’s on your team?
You know what? We don’t even care about the Olympics anymore. You can have them, Rio.
(Hey, IOC! Did you hear Brazil’s trying to build nuclear weapons?)