Hello, SeriouslyReader. How are you? Good.
You’re probably wondering why The Guys are all here in your office. We wanted to start by saying that we love you, but we’re concerned.
According to Dr. Jerald Block’s article in the American Journal of Psychiatry, you’re addicted to the Internet. We’ve noticed it for some time, as you:
Suffer from feelings of withdrawal when a computer cannot be accessed.
Remember that time you tried us at gunpoint, just to see if there were any new Fark headlines? That was scary.
Increasingly need better equipment.
You camped out for an iPod Nano. You already have a regular iPod and a video iPod.
Need more time to use it.
We used to go on trips. Now “there’s never enough time” because your 2,000 Facebook friends are constantly updating their relationship statuses.
Experience negative repurcussions from your addiction.
You lost your job because you were distracted by a flame war in Cary Tennis’ advice column about breast implants. Your children have to eat chiclettes for lunch. Oh, and you totaled the car because you were texting your BFF to let him know “where u at.”
As we said, The Guys love you, but you have an addiction, and it hurts us to watch your downward spiral. You don’t have to quit the Internet, but you could cut back. How about just reading SeriouslyGuys from here on out?