How come you never ask me how I am doing or if I have any big plans for the weekend? Don’t you care about what I do? Aren’t we friends? You’re right, you’re right. You do care, you just don’t show it in the same ways as I do. I’m sorry I get so emotional, it’s just that I need you, dear reader, so much. Without you, my keyboard has no purpose. If you were busy looking at oncoming trains, odds are you missed it.
Up, up and a–wait a minute …
On Thursday, the world was captivated by the story of a 6-year old boy in Colorado has climbed into his father’s experimental balloon was was floating across the state. They boy was instead found hiding in the attic. The boy’s father, Richard Heene, denied accusations of the incident being a stunt, saying, “My family would never do such a thing. I mean, that’s as bad as going on a reality show or putting your kids in a rap video and posting it to YouTube. Who would do such a thing?”
Show us your twits
Speaking of balloons, conservative blogger Meghan McCain raised eyebrows this week when she tweeted about her quiet night in. She posted a picture of the book she was reading, but followers’ eye drifted toward her low cut top instead. Critics attacked her for the seemingly sexual picture, and McCain nearly canceled her Twitter account. In other news, conservative microbloggers are still waiting for a shot of Ann Coulter’s shriveled jack-o-lanterns.
All your data are belong to us
T-Mobile customers have had a rough time lately, particularly Sidekick users, who lost all their data in a disaster that is only now being fixed by Microsoft. Wait a minute–T Mobile still has customers? More importantly, when was the last time you saw anyone using a Sidekick?
Do you drive a car? Did you know that most of cars involved in fatal accidents are driven by humans? It’s true. We suck at driving because it’s so damn boring. We need to change the stereo setting from FM1 to AUX, we need to fix the GPS settings, and most importantly, we need to kill our arms holding up our cell phones for a half an hour talking and driving.
Some people find talking on the phone and driving as dangerous. California is one of those people. There, the first lady, Mariah Shriver was caught talking on her cell phone even though her husband made it illegal.
Ever the actor. Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said during a speech that he couldn’t believe his wife was “holding that phone in her hand like in the Stone Age.” It should be noted that the governor of California is something of an amateur archaeologist.
He is totally right. Back in the Stone Age, cave women would drive around in their cars talking on their cell phones. This left them vulnerable to being bashed over the head by cave men and dragged off romantically.
I’m going to come right out and say it: I don’t own an iPhone. I know, I know, it’s shocking. I get that reaction a lot. But it’s true. In fact, I really don’t care to buy an iPhone right now, because they are way more than I, or pretty much anyone else, ever needs in a communication device (though they will never tell you that) and in a recession, they are rapidly turning into a symbol of poor planning.
I look at the iPhone much the may I looked at fraternities when I was in college. They cost a lot, they don’t deliver what they promise and really, you just want to be seen with one. In college, I decided it was much easier if I drank when I wanted to where I wanted to, without having to memorize some group’s history or do anything remotely good for the community.
Plus, AT&T hazes you with big fees. Bryan McBournie elephant walks for no cell phone carrier. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: iPhones kind of suck
We have suspected it for a long time, but now we finally have proof: the animals are helping our human prisoners escape in hopes of turning them against us! It’s a brilliant strategy, if you think about it. Our attention moves to the escapees and not the real enemy.
Our proof? Carrier pigeons have been caught smuggling in cell phone parts to prisoners in Brazil. Once, when they were our minions, they carried our important information on the battlefield. Now it seems they are against us on the battlefield of the 21st century, where there is no battlefield.
We can only assume the Verizon Wireless guy has been turned, as well.
I have spoken once already about the proper use of cell phones, but alas, it seems there is still more work to be done on reforming the world and its manners. Still, you should remember that the minute your cell phone goes off, everyone around you, especially strangers, hate you.
Let’s talk about ear pieces. Yes, we are all glad you have that thing so you can drive with both hands on the wheel, but that does not give you an excuse to walk around wearing it in your ear all day. Really? You can’t just take it out of your pocket and hold it up to your ear? What happens when we as a society get too lazy to put that ear piece in our ears? I’ll leave that one for science to figure out. Continue reading The McBournie Minute: Look what I found in your ear
We all know pets require a lot of time, care, attention, maintenance and in some cases, poop scooping. But the times are changing, and so are pets’ needs. One sign of this is that dogs now require cell phones, but you get stuck with the bill when they cannot pay it (they don’t have jobs, of course).
A collection agency sent Andy Fanelli, a fluffy white dog of some sort in California, a bill for $142.34 for Verizon Online. The lazy dog apparently has had a cell phone somewhere and is sticking it to is owners. This is why you can’t get attached to pets, because you may one day have to put them down.
Texting has had an incredibly positive effect on society. Rather than have a conversation face to face, or even have to hear the other person’s stupid voice, we can just send a horribly abbreviated message from the office, the car or even the toilet.
However, it seems there might be one single problem for this gift to humanity: we have trouble seeing where we are going. Apparently the problem is so bad that people in the U.K. keep injuring themselves by walking into lampposts and other obstacles on the average sidewalk. One in ten people over there has that problem, so the a charity is testing out padding on lampposts to help cushion the blow.
This blog just thinks most of the injuries are related to their complicated motor vehicle and foot traffic patterns.